It’s 10:58 and I turn 40 in an hour and two minutes. I can’t sleep becasue I have mixed emotions about turning 40. I am by no means a writer, but I think spilling my guts out about my feelings will help me deal with them. I thought this day would be different. I certaintly don’t feel 40, and people tell me I look a lot younger. That’s encouraging. Apparently this is a milestone birthday. In the back of my mind I secretly wanted a suprise party (never had one) or the talk of all my friends – I know that is so selfish of me. I’m just being honest. Frankly, I don’t think it’s a big deal to anyone but me. Tomorrow will pass and I will be forty years old.

I did have a revelation though. I put too much focus on other people making me happy. From this day forward, I will put my trust in the Lord and not in people. After all, God is the only on in my life that has never broken His promise that He will never leave me. So, tomorrow I will reflect on the forty years that God has blessed me with, and share my day with Him.