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I hate to admit it…it’s like crossing a threshold, becoming a grown up when you never expected to grow up. It’s like having to admit that you don’t bend in all the ways you used to bend….isn’t it?

I’m turning 40 ten weeks from today.

There. I said it.

I can’t believe I’M turning 40!! I don’t feel 40. I don’t look 40. Is 40 really the new 30?

What happens next? I think I have arthritis…but only in my right index finger. Is that the beginning of the end? Will my knees go next? Hip replacement? Oh God…do your teeth start falling out about now????

I had a complete physical a few months back. My glucose level was perfect. My bad cholesterol was low and my good cholesterol was high. Are those going to change the first of the new year? Am I going to have to get one of those little medication holders so I can keep track of my many(non existant at the present) medications by days? You know the ones…seven little plastic compartments labeled with the days of the week. Hell, I can barely swallow a daily vitamin, much less remember to actually take the damn things every day. OH MY GOD….am I going to have to start drinking Metamucil to maintain regularity?!?!?! I think I have high blood pressure…

Breathe in…Breathe out….relax….take a deep breath….it will be alright. You can do this. Piece of cake. Will I have to cut out cake from my diet? It will be alright.

But will it? Will I find a man at my age? Will I have to start wearing layers to fend off the hot flashes? Is that an age spot on the back of my hand?!? It looks like a big freckle…can I fake it? Pretend I don’t see it? Or just lie and say it IS a big freckle?

My God! Is that a gray pubic hair?!?! Time to go Brazilian. Hide the evidence. Start wearing mascara every day to hide the two white eyelashes. Does this mean I’m going to get those long wiry eyebrow hairs that my mother makes me trim on her?

Dare I let my hair grow out and stop coloring it? I haven’t seen my natural hair color in about ten years….how much gray is really up there? Why do I still suffer from acne at 40???

And what about all the plans I had before I was 40? I’m not married. I haven’t had any children. I haven’t even gotten my master’s degree yet. I haven’t been to Italy or Ireland. I haven’t made a million dollars yet. I haven’t invented a cure for cancer yet. What the hell have I been doing for 40 years???

I don’t even know how to knit…how will I be able to grow old?? Will I grow old gracefully? Or will I grow old and gray, saggy and wrinkled?

Crap.