Yes, today is the last official day that I can say I am in my 30′s. Tomorrow is the big day…the big 4-0. (Insert your over-the-hill jokes here. I can take it.)

There are many thoughts rolling around in the cobwebs of my brain on this occasion. I’ve heard all the phrases people tell themselves and others to feel better about such an event. “It’s only a number.” “You’re only as old as you feel.” You’ve heard them all, too, I’m sure. So I figure I have two options. I can scoff at those people trying to cheer me up or I can embrace those ideas and take them to heart. I’ve chosen the latter option.

I actually had a much harder time with turning 39. I think the pressure of knowing that in just one more year my thirties would be over was a bit overwhelming. I dreaded the next birthday for months. I suddenly felt the pressure to buy special face creams and every time I walked into a room and couldn’t remember what I went in there for, I thought “Oh no, this is it. I’m losing my memory.” I truly felt like my next birthday was a black cloud looming overhead and I wanted to duck for cover.

And then it hit me. This is ridiculous. I have friends and family members who didn’t have their first child until they were forty! Physically, I work out almost every single day and I feel better than I have in years. Most days, despite three children who occasionally seem to conspire to suck the life out of me, I have plenty of energy. I know a lot of the current popular music (with a little help from those three aforementioned children, who most days bring me tremendous joy and insist that I not act like a dorky mom). I’ve reconnected with a lot of old friends recently, many of whom graduated from high school with me and also have this birthday coming up (if they haven’t had it already) and I’m not alone in this new phase of my life. I have a lot of dreams and goals for the future, from getting some of my writing published to traveling to other parts of the world with my wonderful husband, and much to look forward to in the years ahead. My children are quite independent, with Theo turning 7 next month and the girls turning 11 and 13 this year, and we are able to do so many fun and adventurous things together as a family. What do you know about that? Forty really is just a number. That black cloud isn’t going to just suddenly appear over my bed tomorrow morning when I wake up.

I also see this birthday as an opportunity to reflect on what has come before. I am proud of what I’ve accomplished in my life over the past forty years. It hasn’t all been smooth sailing and I’m proud of the obstacles I’ve overcome to get to this point. I brought three children into this world that are such a blessing and that I believe will accomplish great things in their own lives. I hope I made a difference to many children with special needs and their families during my years as a teacher. I’ve tried to be a good daughter, mother, wife, sister and friend. I’m far from perfect, but I think I’ve always done the best I could and it feels great to look back and be able to say that.

There is one bit of sadness I still have about this birthday. I wish my mom were here, of course. I never imagined I would turn 40 without my mom here to celebrate with me. Forty just seems way too young to be without her. But I still feel her around me in so many ways and I know she would want me to be happy and to celebrate. I know she would have words of wisdom and advice about enjoying every moment, being true to myself and looking forward to the years ahead with great anticipation. My mom was a homebody who adored her family but she also had an adventurous spirit, trying new things along the way, traveling, and keeping an open mind. She taught me well and I like to think I’ve embraced many of those positive qualities. All I can do is hope that she would be proud of the woman I am today, inspired so much by the mother who raised me and nurtured me and was there for me for almost 37 years.

So yes, forty is just a number. I feel inspired to reach new goals this year in honor of the occasion. I have wonderful family and friends who will help me celebrate. And when I wake up on Monday to head to the gym and I have to enter my age as “40” on the elliptical machine, I promise I won’t start to cry. A moment of hesitation, perhaps, but I won’t cry.

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