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By Todd Barrett Lieman

I always wondered, which is silver and which is gold? I don’t really like gold. So maybe one should be platinum. That would have more personal impact. But then I’m still left to ponder which is which. Certainly, platinum is worth more than silver. Some of my new friends are clearly worth more than my older friends. It’s all so confusing.

You see I’ve been having these quite vivid dreams about old friends. These are people that I haven’t spoken with in years. People who were once very good friends and are now just memories. On the one hand, I feel sad that I’m not really that close to some of these people anymore. But, on the other hand? Well, I can be realistic about the fact that friends sometimes come in and out of our lives. I think the fact that I’m turning 40 (oh so soon) has me constantly reminiscing about the last decade (and then some).

When I fall asleep, I think the dark recesses of my soul are telling me that I should get back in touch with a few of these friends. There is a common denominator to these friends about whom I’ve been dreaming. Aside from the fact that I’m bothered that we aren’t friends anymore, I’m more bothered by the fact that I think I was “wronged” by each of them. Our “falling out,” or “falling away” was caused by actions taken by these friends. These actions ultimately drove a wedge of separation that now has me dreaming about reconciliation.

But, is that the right thing to do? After all, in their absence, we’ve made new friends. Sometimes even better friends. Certainly friends who are more in touch with the ever-changing times of my life (and, I suppose, vice versa). I have some friends who will never, ever go away. I can pick up the phone and call (after years) and we can pick up as if we had been talking every Sunday. I don’t ever worry about those friends. I’m talking about friends that just *poof* disappeared. Something stupid was said and that was that.

I’ve long considered myself a pretty good friend. I have always been the guy that made the bigger efforts to stay in touch; never the guy who says, “but I called last.” I have always been the guy that would pull out the plastic and pick up the tab after a spectacularly fun evening. And, I have always been the guy that would make the tough phone calls in times of need. (Or, in one particular instance, the guy who would put up bail and go wait for my friend to “get out” in the most horrid of conditions.) I’ve never been the guy that blew off friends for relationships and so on.

Parenting brings incredible challenges in time management. And, the time only grows more scarce as the kids get older and the wide variety of activities get thrown into the mix. As a result, I think it’s important that I/we maximize what time we have by participating in the activities and adventures we love with the people we love. This, of course, means that it’s harder to maintain relationships with friends who are “work.” – regardless of how much history we have with them. When kids come into the picture, “history” is no longer enough of a reason for “effort.” When kids come into play, the friends who stick around do so because they “get it,” (and vice versa) and new friends are found because our kids are in the same schools, programs or whatever.

In the meantime, what to do with those few friends that do fall out of the day-to-day existence, but not quite off the radar altogether? I really don’t know. Certainly, if they came back into the fold, I’d find the time to stay in touch. Maybe I’ll just make the effort one last time. An email can’t hurt, right?