Well, I did it. I turned 40 on Saturday night (what luck!).

People tend to ask things like “So, what’s it feel like being X?” no matter how old you are. Much to my own surprise, it really DID feel different looking into the mirror that morning and realizing that I was 40 years old! I had–like it or not–launched Me 2.0 and it felt great! Oddly and unexpectedly, I experienced a new-found optimism, almost an insouciant nonchalance of come-what-may. Things aren’t great: I’ll probably be out of work soon, I’ve spent all my savings making ends meet, and I’ve got a young family depending on me. These and other concerns have really been dragging me down for quite a while. Somehow turning 40 has empowered me stare all these things in the eye and smirk–if not totally burst out laughing! Really!

I was 18 at my mom’s 40th birthday party, and on that day I introduced her to the girlfriend who has been my wife for the last 17 years. Our oldest is only in 2nd grade, so it seems really odd to think about being the parent of a precocious college student at my age–I can finally begin to appreciate what I put my parents through! But more than that, I’ve come to realize how fast we burn through that unlikely accident which is our lives: it seems like just yesterday I was at mom’s party, and now I’m at my own…

For whatever reason, this past year I’ve become quite a student of family history and in so doing have developed a deep, personal and ineffable appreciation for that dash between the two dates of a person’s life. I’ve glimpsed the shadows of some forgotten ancestors by approximations of their dates alone, with others I’ve re-traced the paths of immigration, ship wrecks, joy, love, tragedy, war, child birth (and death), unprecedented success, and abject failure–all of which has contributed a verse to this powerful and on-going play. And without even a single one of whom I would never have been. And even as I was learning this, several of my kid’s baby teeth fell out and the adult teeth are well on their way. I too am contributing a verse…

I had put much thought into turn 40, taking it quite seriously. I had made the usual lists of things to do, etc. Oddly, I’ve trashed all that. Perhaps I had put too much thought into it. At present, the most important thing about turning 40 seems to be maintaining and fostering that precipitous sense of optimism which has befallen me. This, methinks, will become the rocket fuel propelling me through and beyond all of those other goals and aspirations I had dutifully, and perhaps mechanically, cataloged. This is my secret of 40.

Of course, Saturday night’s celebration may well be the root of all this. 40 falling on a Saturday, I had to celebrate big–over the top big. Had I not, I would have regretted it for the rest of my days. 40 has colored my 80. I threw a big party in a lodge overlooking an urban lake. I was simultaneously the caterer, the entertainment and the guest of honor! I smoked almost 70 pounds of brisket and pork (I have quite a reputation for this among my friends), and the guests brought all the fixin’s. I play in a rock and roll outfit (reliving my youth so that I can waste it this time!) and we delivered our best and most fun performance to date! Everyone was there: friends from junior high, high school, law school, former bosses and co-workers, old girlfriends, parents from kids’ soccer teams, even a long-lost favorite uncle. It was like the ending to the movie Big Fish–which, I think, is actually a funeral!

And in some ways, it was the simultaneous celebration of an ending and a beginning. The launch party for Me 2.0. The new version is out. Let the games begin!