By Karen A. Chase

Author of Bonjour 40: A Paris travel log

(40 years. 40 days. 40 seconds)

Why is it that turning 40 is supposed to be a bad thing? I know a lot of women curl up in the fetal position over it, but for me, it was a chance to do something I’d always longed to do. Live in Paris. For a month. I’ve made choices throughout my life that made this moment possible, but what made it feasible was simply that I planned to do it. When I turned 39, I said I’d go to Paris for my fortieth, and so I spent the year preparing to accomplish just that.

It’s 10:58 and I turn 40 in an hour and two minutes. I can’t sleep becasue I have mixed emotions about turning 40. I am by no means a writer, but I think spilling my guts out about my feelings will help me deal with them. I thought this day would be different. I certaintly don’t feel 40, and people tell me I look a lot younger. That’s encouraging. Apparently this is a milestone birthday. In the back of my mind I secretly wanted a suprise party (never had one) or the talk of all my friends – I know that is so selfish of me. I’m just being honest. Frankly, I don’t think it’s a big deal to anyone but me. Tomorrow will pass and I will be forty years old.

I did have a revelation though. I put too much focus on other people making me happy. From this day forward, I will put my trust in the Lord and not in people. After all, God is the only on in my life that has never broken His promise that He will never leave me. So, tomorrow I will reflect on the forty years that God has blessed me with, and share my day with Him.

Via Dillard 57: This year was a big birthday, a life turning point. Moreover, I’m not the type of person who keeps her age a secret. I don’t care if people know my age, and I don’t feel shame about my age. I think getting older is ok. So turning 40 was not a secret, nor was it a birthday I particularly felt I needed to celebrate in a big way. I told family and friends that I have gotten so much love and support and generosity with my wedding and the birth of the Peanut, that I did not need any more parties or presents. I celebrated with Mr. Right on the day, and then the next day both me and the Peanut were sick so we laid pretty low. Whoopee! We are Party People.

Being the overly introspective type, nonetheless, this landmark birthday does give me pause.What does it mean to turn 40? What does it mean to move into this new decade? I didn’t want to let this one go by without a good ponder. And my dear friend Tina feels like I am some sort of trailblazer as I am a year older than her to the week, and one year older as a momma. She called me last night to remind me that I had not yet shared my musings. I was so honored that she even wanted to hear them that I am trying to oblige her now.

I asked a few of my personal trailblazers: how was or is the 40^th decade? And what was your favorite decade? I received the expected mix of answers, but almost all of them asserted that the 40s are a good decade, a year of coming into to your power as a woman, especially. I like that.By 40, you finally feel confident enough of yourself to be yourself. And to like yourself. And to know what you need and when you need it and then go and get it. I like all of this. I can see why it would be true.

Via Notorious Rob.com There was a time when I thought 40 was the end. I was probably 19 or so, drunk on the peculiar poetry of youth, philosophical in the way that only the semi-mature can be, and caught in the strange shadowlands between the unbounded world-is-your-oyster optimism and the soul-killing despair at the evils of the world.

40? Might as well be dead.

Via Authentic Development:  It’s 9 days ago. I’m lying face down on a tattoo parlor table. The pain is beyond what I imagined. It’s not stopping. I tell myself it will be over soon. Soon is taking quite a while. Each branch of the tree has to be traced and filled in. The leaves need to be added–each leaf another needle. Eventually, I embrace the pain. I stop cringing. I lean into it. It becomes the metaphor for why I’m here–1000 miles from home, alone, getting a tattoo of a tree on my back.

I’m here because my friends loved me and believed in me and sent me to a world class leadership program. I’m alone because I must be, and I’m getting a tree on my back because the tree is the symbol of my true life.

Beauty and pain are inextricably linked. Authenticity–what my new tattoo represents–is not possible without pain.

Via Intentblog Written by Christine Arylo

What if fear no longer stopped you from your dreams?

What is it that you really want right now?

Via Bella’s Black Book

So 3 months into this being 40 thing and I am learning so much about becoming an “older” woman. Well, if I’m being honest, I have been privy to a lot of this for a while now, but it seems that somehow when you actually become 2 scores, everything is magnified by 10 like the ugly side of those vanity mirrors and no matter how hard you try, you can’t make it stop. So here are a few things that you discover once you start to crest the hill (which incidentally I will be doing for at least another 10 years).

1. Your body makes lots of new and strange noises. Now one could ask, “how is that any different than being a teenaged boy?” Well, I am happy to answer. You see, teenaged boys are usually making these sounds on purpose, either with their mouths, or other body parts. But a woman over 40? She is usually just as surprised as everyone else when a joint creeks or her behind suddenly learns how to play the trumpet. Most of the time, if you ask her what that sound was, she is just as clueless as you are.

2. You suddenly develop the ability to REALLY multi-task in some new and exciting ways, for instance, you can gain an obscene amount of fat/weight, while simultaneously being able to build massive muscle in a very short amount of time. I have completely stopped using weights when I workout because I don’t want to end up looking like a chubby linebacker.

Forty here I come! In less than one week I will be joining the ranks of all the other fortysomethings. I have gradually been getting used to the idea of turning the big 40 and now it’s less than one week away. I am saying goodbye to my thirties and it is a big change. Outwardly, I’m trying to put on a brave face, but inside I feel scared. Every day at least a few times a day I think about it and I’ve been doing that for months.

Mostly I’ve been trying to avoid it, but now with just a few days to go, I absolutely can’t. I guess it happens to us all and now it’s just my time to go through it. I’ve been looking at the other posts here and it seems to be a pretty mixed bag. Some people being positive about it and others absolutely dreading it.

If I’m honest, I haven’t exactly been enjoying the experience. Everytime someone mentions my birthday, I feel myself tense up inside and hope that they don’t mention 40. I don’t like that I’m not where I want to be in my life and that everyone else seems to be married with children. I am trying to do as many positive things as possible, joining new clubs and taking up new activities. I guess that and trying to smile through the whole thing is just about all I can do.

This past Wednesday, I turned 40. It was an event I had been having mixed emotions about for months. When I saw the ball drop in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, I felt like I’d been slapped. I pretty much ruined the whole night. Where did the time go? I didn’t feel ready.

Turning 40 is a milestone in a person’s life, but here is what can make it a traumatic event. Our society has an unwritten handbook of rules. There are certain things we should have achieved by the time we reach a certain age, and if just one or two of those things are missing, we tend to feel like a failure. It’s a set of rules most of us seem to be affected by, whether we realize it or not. I am the first to admit there are things I have yet to accomplish, things I thought would be in place by this age. However, life doesn’t always line up with what you expect it to be.

I spent two days celebrating entering my 40s. The night before, I went to see Bon Jovi in concert for the second time. The next day, I bought a german chocolate cake. The day felt like being on a long rollercoaster ride. I was thankful, sad, confused.. wondering what to do next, where to go with my life. I walked around in a fog, and the overcast skies didn’t help very much.

Help, it’s nearly here! Disbelief, anticipation, apprehension. Words springing to mind about turning 40. It’s the last thing I think about every night and the first thing I think about every morning. It inteferes with my sleep and wakes me up in the early hours. It feels like it’s dancing in front of me in big Vegas style lights. And all the time I’m walking without choice towards it.

It’s amazing reading all the comments here. A whole site dedicated to turning 40; there are a lot of us marching towards it. I never thought about it much and now it’s nearly here I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m not exactly where I thought I’d be in my life right now. I still share a flat with friends, I’ve never been married, have no children and I don’t even have a boyfriend. Sometimes I feel angry and hurt, left out, lonely. Mostly I just get on with it and smile to cover it all up. That’s why it’s nice to be here and share.

I feel like I blinked and when I opened my eyes a whole decade had gone. There’s nothing for it now, but to desperately stay positive (which despite many many good things can be tough) and hope that there’s still time. Dealing with being 39 and preparing to enter a new decade continues to be challenging. Who knows what the next step will bring!

I have been thinking a lot about this post over the last few months. I have such anxiety about leaving behind my 30′s and starting another DECADE. What I find most discomforting is I don’t feel 40…I feel more like 16 – 20 – 25. Certainly not 40. Here is what I’ve concluded

In my younger years I was always searching searching searching. Although it wasn’t really clear to me what I was searching so hard for.

When I was 16 I met the definition of what I wanted
When I was 18 I stole my fathers car and ran away to California.
When I was 19 I came home from California
When I was 19 I made the biggest mistake of my life
When I was 20 I met the best thing that ever happened to me.

I turned 40 this week. Several people asked me if I was sad or bummed out about turning 40 and I told each and every one of them “no” – I don’t mind being 40 at all. Why do so many people see 40 as a point in life where you should become depressed about your age? I feel like I am finally coming into my own!

As I approached 40, I decided I would no longer bottle feelings up inside. Already I feel more free and light-hearted. Why didn’t I come to this conclusion before?!?! One of my co-workers had been telling me for years that once you hit your 40s you start to accept yourself more, spend less time worried about what others think….and she was right!

I love being 40. I love being comfortable in my skin and accepting who I am. I love that I am still alive and have a family that loves me. In three years I will pass the age that my mom died. I am grateful for each day that I have with my family and know they will always love me…no matter what color my hair turns or how many lines reveal themselves on my face down the road.

I have been pondering this point in my life since turning 30 (ie; now that I have rolled 30, next is 40, then 65, then 6 feet under). I guess this may seem morbid, but I whole heartedly prized youth. It seems like yesterday I was the youngest guy everywhere I went; the youngest guy at work, the youngest dad at church, ect… but, the days of being the “youngest” have been and gone for a few (ok, many) years now.

The latest thought as of last weekend to creep in my mind was- as the weather has started to cool down a little- “Man, I have maybe 35-40 Autumn’s left if I’m lucky”. Then there are thoughts of my past that well up. Having had kids in our early 20′s, our lives were all about them. Sometimes I feel as if I was a merely a paycheck at times. An overworked stressed out zombie and I missed out on my 20′s providing for the family, protecting them, teaching them what I thought was right and then working even more.

Is there a bright side to the madness?

Today is my day. I’ve thought a lot about how I might feel on this day, and even blogged about, declaring that I will have a mid-life focus instead of a mid-life crisis. So here I am simply enjoying the transition into another decade. I’m aiming for grace, speaking my truth, and choosing beauty. Somehow, turning 40 makes all of these things so much easier.

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