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My whole life, I looked forward to turning 40. I don’t know why, I just always did. Now I’m here and it doesn’t seem possible.

I was in the doctor’s office today getting some tests done and the woman asked for my age. I heard the word come of out my mouth, but it seemed like someone else said it: “Forty.”

Forty.

So succinct. So poignant. Not the flourish and energy of “Twenty-Two”, nor the slightly interesting, lived a bit age of “Thirty-Six”. No, this is 40. In highway speed, 40 is safe; not the express way 65 and not the school zone 15 – somewhere in the middle is 40.

I’ve got hair that I'm leaving uncolored, now turning slightly gray – not quite blonde, not quite silver. My eyes aren’t working as well as they used to, my hands keep dropping things for some bizarre reason and my weight is even more difficult to manage than it has been all my life.

And yet, I’m not sure what 40 means really. I’m not old. Far from it – in fact, I hope I’m one of those people who never really get old… I will age, but if I can just keep moving, I’ll never really get old. I don’t even know what 40 looks like anymore, not even on me. You reach a point in your life where you can’t really see yourself clearly, with honest eyes. Its one reason people hate to see themselves in photographs. They can't bear to see what the camera (and everyone else) sees.

I'm working on seeing what Mr. Crab Claw sees. I have a collection of photos over the past 12 months or so that he has taken of me. Mostly candid, cell phone shots – rarely do I pose for him. I want to work on a new piece, in my signature collage style that I love, with another self-portrait.

Really looking at yourself is strange, difficult to do and, maybe its just plain weird. But, I’m going to work on this and probably just call it 40. I can see the piece – it will most likely be part of the marriage project Crab Claw and I have been working on. Not really sure… I just know it is (and I am) a work in progress.

via Simply Me: 40?.

Jay-Z spoke to FemaleFirst about his great longevity in the music industry, turning 40 years old and staying grounded throughout.

On turning 40:

I feel fantastic about turning 40, I’m in a great place, got a fantastic album, my eleventh number one which beats Elvis, so I’m feeling like the king of pop.

On staying grounded:

When people get success, they often start getting rid of their immediate circle who knew them to surround themselves with yes men and women and they get lost.I have great friends around to keep me grounded, fame is a drug and your feet can get lifted off the ground but I try to stay centred and whenever I start getting big headed, they stop me.

My sisters act like I work for them, which is great but I pretty much keep myself in check.

He doesn’t let the success affect his normal life:

When you live your life in the spotlight people tend to think our success or who you are is not a real thing, I like people to know I am a real person. I just happen to have a talent for making music and a work ethic to match it.

I try to approach everyday life – no matter what happens, whether there are 100 photographers or not – as normal. I still go out to eat and eat outside at places, no problem. Sometimes I snap but for the most part I’m cool with it, as long as people don’t invade your personal space I understand it comes with the business, it’s not a big bother.

via Jay-Z Feeling ‘Fantastic’ About Turning 40 | HipHop-N-More.

Well, I did it. I turned 40 on Saturday night (what luck!).

People tend to ask things like “So, what’s it feel like being X?” no matter how old you are. Much to my own surprise, it really DID feel different looking into the mirror that morning and realizing that I was 40 years old! I had–like it or not–launched Me 2.0 and it felt great! Oddly and unexpectedly, I experienced a new-found optimism, almost an insouciant nonchalance of come-what-may. Things aren’t great: I’ll probably be out of work soon, I’ve spent all my savings making ends meet, and I’ve got a young family depending on me. These and other concerns have really been dragging me down for quite a while. Somehow turning 40 has empowered me stare all these things in the eye and smirk–if not totally burst out laughing! Really!

I was 18 at my mom’s 40th birthday party, and on that day I introduced her to the girlfriend who has been my wife for the last 17 years. Our oldest is only in 2nd grade, so it seems really odd to think about being the parent of a precocious college student at my age–I can finally begin to appreciate what I put my parents through! But more than that, I’ve come to realize how fast we burn through that unlikely accident which is our lives: it seems like just yesterday I was at mom’s party, and now I’m at my own…

For whatever reason, this past year I’ve become quite a student of family history and in so doing have developed a deep, personal and ineffable appreciation for that dash between the two dates of a person’s life. I’ve glimpsed the shadows of some forgotten ancestors by approximations of their dates alone, with others I’ve re-traced the paths of immigration, ship wrecks, joy, love, tragedy, war, child birth (and death), unprecedented success, and abject failure–all of which has contributed a verse to this powerful and on-going play. And without even a single one of whom I would never have been. And even as I was learning this, several of my kid’s baby teeth fell out and the adult teeth are well on their way. I too am contributing a verse…

I had put much thought into turn 40, taking it quite seriously. I had made the usual lists of things to do, etc. Oddly, I’ve trashed all that. Perhaps I had put too much thought into it. At present, the most important thing about turning 40 seems to be maintaining and fostering that precipitous sense of optimism which has befallen me. This, methinks, will become the rocket fuel propelling me through and beyond all of those other goals and aspirations I had dutifully, and perhaps mechanically, cataloged. This is my secret of 40.

Of course, Saturday night’s celebration may well be the root of all this. 40 falling on a Saturday, I had to celebrate big–over the top big. Had I not, I would have regretted it for the rest of my days. 40 has colored my 80. I threw a big party in a lodge overlooking an urban lake. I was simultaneously the caterer, the entertainment and the guest of honor! I smoked almost 70 pounds of brisket and pork (I have quite a reputation for this among my friends), and the guests brought all the fixin’s. I play in a rock and roll outfit (reliving my youth so that I can waste it this time!) and we delivered our best and most fun performance to date! Everyone was there: friends from junior high, high school, law school, former bosses and co-workers, old girlfriends, parents from kids’ soccer teams, even a long-lost favorite uncle. It was like the ending to the movie Big Fish–which, I think, is actually a funeral!

And in some ways, it was the simultaneous celebration of an ending and a beginning. The launch party for Me 2.0. The new version is out. Let the games begin!

I was an unwed mother of twin boys at 20 and spent the next 20 years focused on raising them. I married an alcoholic, worked in low paying dead end jobs, but I had tunnel vision, getting my boys to college. They were going to have all the opportunities I never had. They are in college now and at 40 so am I.

Some days I feel like I can take on the world yet other days, when the self doubt creeps in, I think who do I think I am. When Im sitting in class with 20 somethings and no one wants to converse with the”non-traditional student” I feel so insecure and out of place. Yet, learning is so incedibly exciting and my sons are very proud of me. Its a strange and exciting journey. I refuse to let self doubt and others opinions, regarding all the doors that will be closed to me because of my age, keep me from pursuing my dreams!!!
-We are not now that strength which in old days moved heaven and earth; that which we are we are; one equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. – Alfred Lord Tennyson

I am 39 for one more week. I feel good, but can’t help focusing on the obvious. I am almost 40.

Good news: the years leading to this point have been rich and varied. I hope I have set myself up for another 40+ rich and varied experiences. I look at my children and think of them–facing the first 40. Here I am facing the next. I have never worried about birthdays marking my aging, but this time I am aware of it. On the one hand, I have spent the last 6 months working to get ready for next week’s day. I have lost weight and feel great. I look at the pictures of myself in my 30s and know I will look and feel more fit now.

There’s less room for mistakes now, but fortunately I am wiser and less likely to make as many, right? 40. I won’t take any shit.

Why don’t birthdays retain their ability to dazzle like they do when you are young? Actually, I thought that I would have a much more difficult time turning 40 than I did. I don’t feel that old. People tell me I don’t look that old. I am doing the things in my life that I want to. I am content and blessed. But there wasn’t the spark of excitement that I felt when I turned 10 or 13 my Golden Birthday. I wonder why…In this LO, I simply wanted to document some facts about where I am in my life. Someday I may want to remember what it was like to turn 40.

via At Forty – Serious Play.

I’ve never been one that was affected by birthdays or getting a year older, or anything like that! After all, I’ve felt “18″ ever since I was, well….”18″!

I have, however, been anticipating the landmark of turning “40″! I achieved this on Friday, and much to my chagrin, it has affected me GREATLY! I’m utterly shocked and a bit embarrassed, AND I feel like an emotional basket case….hmmmm, is this early “mid life”???

I’ve always been a nostalgic dude, and I long to live in a “childlike” sense of wonder, imagination, faith, and awe! But, I’ve realized something over the past 6 months–the runway to turning 40, if you will–for much of my “adult” life, i’ve been more jaded and insecure than I was aware of. I’ve sort of been on the proverbial couch for these past 6 months! It’s been the most revealing, yet painful period of my life that I can remember.

So now, as I cross the threshold “into manhood”, I realize that alot has to change! Things that I’ve grown good at justifying have to be laid down, perspectives and definition have to be re-positioned and re-defined, and relationships that I thought were genuine but turned out to be pretty one-sided have to be walked away from! These are good things, I believe! It seems that the first 39 years of life for me have been a rehearsal!

Now, it’s time to live the life I’ve been practicing for, albeit awkwardly and by trial and error! Those few people who really know me (and that’s a VERY FEW), know that I love laughter, peace, Christmas, family, and solid relationships! What I’ve seen recently though, is that I’ve been taken to a dark place in certain areas of my life. Places that I never thought God wanted me to be. Maybe, just maybe though, God has used this time to reveal things buried inside that I’ve failed to face and deal with. This “mid course correction” could have been God’s way of putting me back in the position I was created for–purity, peace, purpose, wonder, and inimitable joy! These past 6 months have been pure hell as God has opened up the dark caverns of my heart to me! I’m at peace with the fact that He knows my heart. I sure as hell didn’t! Not sure whose life I’ve been living, but I don’t think it’s the one that I knew, as a child, I would live! Where did I go wrong. Am I at a point of corrected focus? Will I NOW start seeing what He planned for me all along? Has this hell actually been healing? Am I back to a child? Will these questions be answered? Stay tuned, and thanks for listening…

via Ready, Reset, Go: Turning 40!.