I haven’t turned forty yet. I’m about a month and a half shy of forty. I happened upon this site because last week I was told that forty must be great because “you really know yourself” And, I just don’t know what that means.

Does anyone know what that means, really???

Here’s what I do know. When I look at my mother who’s in her seventies, I see that she’s changed over the years. I also know that I’m not exactly the same person I was when I was 17. Other than that, I don’t claim to know myself any better now than I did when I was younger and could enjoy roller coasters.

I am turning forty in 8 days. I am hoping this decade will be easier than the last. My journey thus far has been challenging. It has however, made me strong, confident, beautiful and most of all grateful.

I am the mother of an 18 year old daughter and a 16 year old son. I raised them alone, and I am proud of the people they have become, and honored to be their mother.

I survived Melanoma and Hodgkin’s disease with grace.

I worked full time as a nurse, continued my education to finally complete a Bachelor’s degree all the while raising my family.

Barbra McDonnell
FOR THE GAZETTE

Apparently, 40 is the new 30. This makes me worry even more about turning 40, and not just for the inevitable lame jokes. If 40 now defines adulthood, I have only a short time left in which to be a kid.

Does that mean I’ll finally have to start sipping fair-trade coffee in the den, instead of Corona on the back porch? Will I have to give up my black punk-y wardrobe, for an art teacher ensemble of sensible sandals and peasant skirts?

Thirty wasn’t a good year for me, anyhow. Forty is bound to be better. At 30, I had a slummy apartment and a crappy job. Mr. Wonderful (now known as My Husband) was dragging his feet on proposing. It seemed that everyone else I knew had a real job, a spouse, two or three kids, the works. I kept praying, to God or the universe, or whomever was listening, “Puh-leeze, can I just have ‘a’ car, ‘a’ house, and be married to ‘a’ reasonably nice guy, before I get any older?”

This December I turn 40. I don’t know why but I‘ve become so utterly depressed about it. My 20’s & 30’s breezed by with barely a thought about my age, but for some reason turning 40 has hit hard. It feels like yesterday I was finishing school & today I’m suddenly almost 40. I don’t feel 40.

I feel the same as I did when I was 18. Maybe not quite the same shape but mentally I do. Lately I’ve found myself reminiscing of my teens & early 20’s, listening to music from that time, looking at old photos and talking to my friends about the things we did. Some days are good others are bad. Some days it just seems to consume my every thought & feeling. I lie awake at night thinking of the past, remembering things probably more as I want to remember them, through rosy coloured glasses.

I try to remind myself of all the great things that I’ve seen & done. I’m married to an absolutely beautiful and wonderful person who is my best friend, have a great marriage, a beautiful daughter & another one due soon. I live in a beautiful part of the world, own a great house, and have seen so much of the world.

My 40th birthday is just around the bend. In fact, it’s coming at me like a teenage boy in his daddy’s sports car with a backseat full of girls he’s trying to impress. Sigh. I’d much prefer to think that middle age was still taking its sweet time to get here— much like a silver-headed granny driving the precious cargo that is her grandchildren as she takes the Maximum Speed Limit to the letter of the law and then drops it by five miles per hour.

At whatever speed it traveled to get to me, I suppose there’s no point denying that it did. So I sit here pondering the advice and declarations of my senior sisters, who warned me years ago that it pretty much all boils down to gravity.

Deep breathe in..I will be 40 on Sunday…Slowly breathe out… There I’ve said it.
Ive not quite got my head round the thought of being 40. That is definately a grown up age. Am I grown up? Do I behave like a responsible mature adult? Should I by now be buying The Daily Mail (This will never happen, while I am still able to form a thought! (unless they give away a good free DVD)), worrying about the price of property, harking back to a golden era (The 80s!!!), bemoaning how easy it is for the “Youth of Today”,and saying things like “why can’t they write a proper tune! like those nice New Romantics”, “What sort of name is 50 Cents”,and “Wot is it wit all this txt speak! lol”? The stark reality is that I am now as closer to my parent’s generation, than to that of someone leaving University.
In a desperate bid to still feel vaguely attached to a youthful age I am currently scouring application forms and surveys where I can tick a box labled Age : 20 – 39. I can do this for 3 days only!
I never thought my actual chronological age would bother me, but clearly it does. It is surely no coincidence that I started blogging 2 weeks before my 40th. There is a danger that instead of becomming more responsible post 40, I will have contra reaction and start to behave more erratically. I may even consider a tattoo, although it may well just say “Best before Feb 2007″
All joking aside, turning 40 has made me reflect. My main regret is that I took so long to get to grips with who I really am, and I will never get that time back. I must endeavour to make sure the 2nd half of my life, living as I always wanted to be, are the most fulfilled and cherished years of my life.
Posted by Jenny Harvey (Still in her 30s)

Turning 40 soon…it’s funny how you change and you don’t even realize it.

You’re trucking along, trying to roll with the flow of life’s ups and downs…and all the while you see yourself as the same…the same as always…as forever…just you…the same you you think you have always been. Then something happens and you realize your not the same you you have always been. You have changed…maybe even a lot.

I’m not saying I don’t like who I have become, because I do. Matter of fact…I like me a lot. I would like to have friends just like me…thats how much I like me.

Its just that now I am trying to catch up with the changes…figure out what they are and what they mean. And what, if anything, I want to do about them.

In about two hours time, the daily calendar will read December 20. It will also mark my fortieth birthday, the big 4-0. As someone once told their mother, “Hey, it’s halfway to 80!” When my mother-in-law turned 40, the friends next door draped her house in black crepe paper.

All in all, I feel OK about turning 40. I love my life, I love my wife, I love my sons (both the one on the inside and the one on the outside). Yes, things could be different. I could be 25 pounds lighter, more financially stable and not suffering from occasional insomnia. We all want things.

Next week I will be turning forty. What I find interesting is how much emphasis other people are placing on that fact. I was joking around in the break room today that I would be turning 21. Someone (younger than I) said, “You’re turning forty.” That isn’t the first time they said that when I joked about my age. Then someone else who is older than I am told me that when I turned forty to go to Disneyland and ride the rides that I used to enjoy, because I would find out after I turn forty that I will enjoy things more. I said, “Good Lord! I’m still the same person. I’m just a year older.”

Yes, I’ll be forty in a little over a week. So what? I’m not expecting to wake up that morning and look in the mirror and see someone remarkably older than the person I saw the day before. I’m not going to stop doing things that I like to do just because I’m forty. I’m still going to like to listen to my iPod. I’m still going to like taking long walks or going running or cycling. I’m still going to chase my dog around in the back yard like I did when I was a kid. The only difference will be I will have officially passed the forty year mark. I plan to continue to enjoy my life as I always have. Right now I still see age as a number. Maybe that will change with time, but not now.

To this point all of the things that I thought happened as people approached forty, haven’t happened. That is with the exception of graying hair.

13 Days of random

In thirteen days I will be an age I didn’t even see coming. An age I don’t feel on most days, but an age I feel older than on others.

I likely don’t act my age much and I’m not sure if that is good or bad or indifferent. What I wonder about is that I read that as women (and maybe men too I have no idea) age they gain more confidence. They care less about what others think. I seem to be the opposite.

When I was younger I was pretty confident. I knew the things I could do, the things I couldn’t and was always willing to try something new. Then I spend eight years in a relationship with someone who did everything they could to knock me down a peg and somehow I never fully stood back upright.

Oh, I came out of it all ready to show the world and I think I did a good job of bluffing my way through a lot of stuff. But underneath I question everything and I hate it. I never used to do that. Fourteen years out of that relationship means that I can’t blame it for the way I am now. I need to get over it and get on with it. And sometimes I do.

I’ve got 6 days left in my 30′s. Another decade almost gone. I’ve been reflecting on what it means to me to turn 40. It seems like a huge milestone in one respect and yet it’s really just another day older. I started to think of the things I’ve done in my 30′s, but as it turns out there are too many things that make me cringe with regret and embarrassment. I suppose I can sum it up by saying that I’m adding “Closure” to the list of things to do in my forties and that I’ve spent the last three years working on a new lifestyle. I’ve been married, soon to be divorced. I’ve had a baby, which turns out to be the biggest blessing that has ever happened to me, despite the fact that I am a single mom. I wear that label with pride. My son, as it turns out has given me strength and purpose and taught me what unconditional love is. I can’t say I’ve perfected that with any romantic partner in my life, but if I can love my son unconditionally, at least I know i did the most important thing in my life right. Turning 40 is a time for me to reflect on relationships, careers, goals and dreams. In my old life it would have been a time to get really really drunk. I would like to think that I am spiritually evolving. I would love to work at a job I am passionate about, but today I’m simple grateful to have my job. I have no inheritance, lottary winnings, home to sell, company stocks, or other things that produce income, so choosing not to work, take up creative pursuits or live a life of leisure is not an option. What I do have is a spiritual connection with God and a desire to be a better person. I can try and make the best of who I am and on some days that is easier said than done. So CHEERS TO ME and being 40….very soon.

Hmmmmmmmm…I’m also on the horizon of turning 40 next year so I’m REALLY thinking about who I am and what I’m going to do and why I’m here. This is going to be humorous as I try to navigate “turning 40″ in 2008. Thank heavens I have Hubby, Little One and my faith in God….they keep my feet on the ground as my vanity about “getting old” is starting to kick into high gear.

I’m already doing some interesting things…some stuff interesting…some stuff really vain. On the vanity side of things I’m starting to look over and over again in the magnifying mirror I have on my bathroom counter. I ask myself, “…….hmmmm….would they believe me if I said I said I was 33? 35?” For the first time in my life I feel the need to hide and lie about my age.

At the same time I have huge desire and drive to bring back my creative side. I’m a musician and artist at heart. I stopped that phase about 15 years ago to chase the almighty dollar with a more stable career. Thank goodness that is out my system and well…my wallet will have to adjust.

These Thoughts Remain

The day is quickly approaching that I will reach the ever dreaded milestone of turning 40. Fifty-five days to be exact. It happens to coincide with Christmas, so you holiday shoppers take note!

It’s odd, in my mind I still feel 25. I often wonder how ridiculous I must come across to people. You’ll find me wearing low-rise jeans and t-shirts as opposed to a flowery polyester ensemble that some of my slightly older counterparts wear. Is it time for me to start acting more mature or does the old adage hold true that you’re only as old as you feel?

I recently started a new job at a local Antique Mall. As I stroll through the isles the memories come flooding back with the recognition of relics from my past. Maybe ‘relic’ is the wrong choice of word for this post, but we’ll go with it. I see my mom’s white china with the painted gold edges, the metal ‘Happy Day’s’ lunch box I coveted as 3rd grader and the delicate golden watch that my grandmother wore. If I let myself dwell on it, I become homesick for my youth.

One thing is for certain; I never imagined my life coming together as it has. My oldest daughter was married this past June, so I have acquired a son-in-law. That makes me a mother-in-law. Why do those words make the hair on the back of my neck stand at attention? There’s also a very real possibility that I could be a Grandma, Nana or Memaw in the next few years. But WAIT! I’m still raising two teen-age daughters, and we can’t forget about our little surprise that arrived in September of 2005. A two year old little boy that some days really defines my age. Where does all that energy come from anyway?! Better still, where did all my energy go?

How many of you are turning 40 this year? How do you feel about it? Everyone perceives their birthday differently, with celebration, disdain, or indifference. This year I am turning 40. That might seem insignificant to some, but it is a big deal to me, because I am healthy, happy, and – alive!

To mark my birthday, I was inspired to organize a fundraiser in memory of two women who didn’t live to see their 40th birthdays. They died from ovarian cancer, leaving behind friends, mothers, fathers, siblings, husbands, and young children. “F.I.T. to Fight Ovarian Cancer” is a memoriam to my friends, Elka Klein and Sima Goldfarb, and an honorarium to everyone turning 40.

Health and being physically fit are very important to me, so I chose exercise as my venue. Most new research is showing that exercise can help us fight just about everything associated with getting older, proving to be a veritable “fountain of youth.” Exercise is also empowering, uplifting and enlightening. It connects us with our bodies in every way and makes us more aware of it. Some of us don’t like to think about our bodies, but that is a big mistake. It could literally be the difference between life and death.