By Karen A. Chase

Author of Bonjour 40: A Paris travel log

(40 years. 40 days. 40 seconds)

Why is it that turning 40 is supposed to be a bad thing? I know a lot of women curl up in the fetal position over it, but for me, it was a chance to do something I’d always longed to do. Live in Paris. For a month. I’ve made choices throughout my life that made this moment possible, but what made it feasible was simply that I planned to do it. When I turned 39, I said I’d go to Paris for my fortieth, and so I spent the year preparing to accomplish just that.

Via Yo Mama: No one eats the first half of an Oreo, looks down and sees the creamy middle, and thinks, Screw this—it’s old.  I’m gonna throw it out and go watch me some MacGyver.  No one reads the first half of a book and abandons it, not for lack of time or interest in the plot or characters, but simply because the middle is already old news.  No one, anywhere, decides that the middle is an inch or two shy of the end.  Unless they’re discussing age.

If you read in a book or a story that a character is middle-aged, don’t you just see the slump in his shoulders, the frown on her face?  The baggy clothes and general air of despair at the middleness of it all?  No one wants to admit to being middle-aged, and I don’t blame us—the way our culture sees it, you might as well be saying you’re old.  And the way we see “old” in our culture?  Don’t even get me started.  Because I’m not gonna want to be old when I’m old.  Oh, I’m not planning to wear short shorts at eighty.  But I refuse to have slumpy shoulders and baggy clothes and an air of despair, even when I’m old.  I’m sure as hell not going to have those things today.

Today, you see, this subject matters to me quite a bit.  Because today I am turning forty.  Not twenty-nine for the eleventh year in a row, but really and truly, right in the thick of the plot, staring at the middle of the Oreo forty.

This past Wednesday, I turned 40. It was an event I had been having mixed emotions about for months. When I saw the ball drop in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, I felt like I’d been slapped. I pretty much ruined the whole night. Where did the time go? I didn’t feel ready.

Turning 40 is a milestone in a person’s life, but here is what can make it a traumatic event. Our society has an unwritten handbook of rules. There are certain things we should have achieved by the time we reach a certain age, and if just one or two of those things are missing, we tend to feel like a failure. It’s a set of rules most of us seem to be affected by, whether we realize it or not. I am the first to admit there are things I have yet to accomplish, things I thought would be in place by this age. However, life doesn’t always line up with what you expect it to be.

I spent two days celebrating entering my 40s. The night before, I went to see Bon Jovi in concert for the second time. The next day, I bought a german chocolate cake. The day felt like being on a long rollercoaster ride. I was thankful, sad, confused.. wondering what to do next, where to go with my life. I walked around in a fog, and the overcast skies didn’t help very much.

I’ve been thinking a bit about turning 40 lately, because I just did. April 25 was my big 4-0. Since I’m a writer by trade — and writing is in my blood—it seems fitting for me to set some of my thoughts down in writing. Here we go.

Turning 40 isn’t all that different from turning 39 or 38. Ever since turning 35, I’ve been closer to 40 than 30, so I’ve more or less considered myself as much “about 40” as “in my thirties.” That’s not to say that I feel older after crossing into the forth decade. Some say that 40 is the new 30, and in some ways I think that’s true. Turning 40 is considered a milestone, a crossing over into a new chapter of life. But only if you frame it that way. After all, it’s only a number and you’re only as old as you feel. (Are clichés a sign of advanced age?)

I do notice some of the signs of age: more aches and pains than ten years ago. Less patience with rude people or annoying situations. More tolerance of those who care and try. I feel muscles and joints I never knew existed before. My father-in-law used to say that if you’re over 30 and you wake up and nothing hurts, that means you’re dead. For me, that seems to be the case at 30. (Again, 40 is the new 30.)

OK. So, I’m 40 already. But I think I may still reserve the right to blog when I have a thing or two on my mind.

One thing I forgot to tell you about is something I announced at my birthday dinner back in October: my theme for my forties. That’s right, this next decade of mine is going to have a theme. And it is…CONNECTION.

I started thinking about it last spring, when the word “connection” seemed to be in front of me wherever I went. At my job at a media company, we questioned who was king these days – was it content? Consumers? Or maybe it was all about connection. On Facebook, I was making new connections daily. My youngest listened to “Barbie’s Diamond Castle” song “Connected” over and over. Two friends who tried online dating services seemed to be making connections that were going to go the distance (two weddings to go to this summer!) And one day, when I wandered into an old church down in the financial district, I found a piece of paper in the back of the pew – it was called a “connection card.”

I just turned 40 on the 21st of February and I woke up feeling great. I actually have been looking forward to it, by looking at Gwen Stefani, Halle Berry, and Jennifer Aniston. I did not want to be shocked or cry on my big day. I didn’t have a party or cake to celebrate my big day. I just wanted to have peace and quiet so I could reflect on my life and what I want in it now.

However, on my birthday, I started to do Pilates. I will buy Sprinkles cupcakes and a huge Crumbs cupcake later on, lol. My 20s were absolutely horrible (abusive relationships, not having a clue of who I was or who I wanted to be, bringing losers into my life that were not worth anything, wasting my time, and playing games), my 30s were great (traveling, finally meeting inspirational individuals), and now I am looking forward to finding out how my 40s are going to be. I notice that I don’t care what others think of me.

I still look fantastic, my mind is still active, and I want to obtain as much knowledge as possible. I still do not want drama or BS in my life. I am too busy trying to make more of my dreams come true. I want to move to another country and engulf myself in that culture. I am working on my PhD in Public Health-Epidemiology.

I turn 40 in a week.

I stumbled across this site as I searched for great ideas of what I how I should be celebrating this milestone. I decided the first thing to do is to declare myself free of the past and say goodbye to my old skin and all the heartache it clung to while I waited for the ex-boyfriend to get his *bleep* together so we could spend the rest of our lives together. He gave up and eventually moved away, marrying someone else he only knew for a month. At 39, I also have decided to stop investing myself into a job that yields zero return and totally sucks the life out of me. Its time the means starts connecting with the end.

So that felt good. Now to put it all into action. Happy Birthday to me.

Hard to think of 40 as old while in my mind I am still 20…well, ok…maybe 30. Even though I never thought it would “hit” me since I’ve never been one to define anyone by age, I have to admit it is having a slight emotional effect. Not that I think I’m going to turn gray and wither to a stump on October 1st…but maybe this is just a time to reflect and re-evaluate what I want to do with “tomorrow”.

First on my list is maintain my good relationships, that I am so thankful for. Second is to carry on with my music dreams, because without those we do wither. Not let people tell me that I’m too old to have a music dream – I’m going to continue to think age is facade slapped on us merely by society and not by anything that should really matter. There will always be someone out there saying that what people think matters…but what is most important is what you think.

Goals are what makes humans incredible – why let some societal myth squelch my actions? Nope, ain’t gonna do it. Gonna make another CD no matter what they say. I love doing it and it makes me happy – and I get to make other people happy with music – what could be better?!?!

No matter what I do life keeps getting better, like a pinball machine life keeps giving me extra points!

I am turning 40 on Saturday September 11, and after 40 years on this earth I believe I have had a great run, In the 80’s I had all the fun the a child of the 80’s could have. In the 90’s I spent some time in the NAVY and lived the life of a hippie/grungy kind of guy in Chicago. In the 2000’s I decided to give the professional life a try I did the 9 to 5 strait lace office work for about 13 years, (and got sick and tired of it) and about 2 years I decided to change careers and try something I always wanted.

I have to say being 40 have given me a new focus and peace that I did not have 20 years ago and it seems No matter what I do life keeps getting better, like a pinball machine life keeps giving me extra points!

There have been times in my life when I felt my life was fulfilling; that I was making a difference in the world. So since I’ve turned 40, I’ve been asking myself this question over and over, again: “Am I living a fulfilling life?”

I’ve learned that looking back on your past when “things were good”, is OK for a smile, but it is also dangerous when you asking yourself “Am I living a fulfilling life [now!]? I use the word dangerous because of my own experience. Looking back at the past can hinder making the move towards creating a more fulfilling life for one’s self NOW. It can be easy getting caught up in the “I’ve lived the best days; its just maintenance from here.”

For the career person: My career is a critical part of my life. I’m proud of my experience, my accomplishment and my gain of respect of my peers. If you’re obsessed with the importance of your career like I am then perhaps you’ve thought this question to ask yourself “Do I feel as accomplished in my personal life as I do with my career?” Big question; the answer tells a lot about your current emotional state.

Wow, I turned 40 on June 29 and I made it through the day without flipping out! Maybe it will hit me hard when I wake up tomorrow, but it doesn’t seem like a big deal at this moment. I remember when my own mother was 40. I was 15 myself and back then, I thought she was sooooo old… Today, I’m the one reaching that milestone and my perspective is obviously different. I was 36 when I had my first child and 38 for the second, so to my 15-year-old self, I’d look quite ancient!

Growing up (and eventually growing older) has quite a few advantages in my opinion. When I turned 20, I didn’t know anything about life and I didn’t care. The world was completely open and out there for me to discover. Over the next 10 years I figured things out and found myself, including by moving to another continent and sticking to a job I would enjoy long-term. By the time I turned 30, I felt like I finally graduated to adulthood, and it was a cool place to be. Another 10 years have gone by and at 40, I feel like I have proven myself to other people (I have a career and I can handle two kids, well, most of the time) and now I’d like to prove to myself that I can develop some other talents and interests. Which talents, I’m not sure yet, but that’s what makes life interesting every day.

And yes, my “40 and fabulous” T-shirt from Cafe Press is in the mail, and I can’t wait to wear it! To all moms out there 40 and over, carpe diem! As KebMo says it so well, “life is beautiful, life is wondrous…”

I turned 40 on the 25th of May 2010 and have decided to set myself some challenges. I’d love it if you’d support me through them as they are very difficult but I’m very excited. Check out my weekly blog and I’ll keep you updated on my virtuoso piano playing, my competitive salsa, my cooking attempts and my life and family.

http://susannah-myfortiethyear.blogspot.com/

Susannah

Every woman has a Real Cougar inside just waiting to be released—a woman who is strong, confident, independent, sexy and proud to be over 40! Check out Don’t Ever Call me Ma’am - The Real Cougar Woman Handbook

Turning 40 for a woman is kind of like taking ownership of a souped up sports car. You have the keys, you know how to drive it, but where are you going to go? Linda Franklin shows the way. This essential guide is all about women taking ownership of the power that comes of a lifetime of experience. Linda covers topics such as relationships, work and finances and shows how to create the life you want with effective, meaningful strategies. Reading this book felt like a celebration–the author lets us know that it’s high time women of a certain age have fun and not be afraid or ashamed to do so. Thank you Linda!

A Real Cougar is a woman who:

As I continue on this journey towards 40 I am more and more bothered when I hear that 40 is the new 30. While I sometimes want to deny that I am getting older, I DO NOT want to repeat the past decade.

The journey that I am on is not one of regression but one of preparation. I want to be the best 40 I can be. I believe that in wanting to remain in our youth we deny the experiences that life has given us.

I may fear the passing of time because it brings with it questions regarding my future but I also celebrate it because I am wiser, stronger and prepared to face that unknown due to the experiences I have had. When the moment comes, I will march bravely into a new day and with my head held high I will turn and blow a kiss goodbye to 10 years of a life well-lived.

I was an unwed mother of twin boys at 20 and spent the next 20 years focused on raising them. I married an alcoholic, worked in low paying dead end jobs, but I had tunnel vision, getting my boys to college. They were going to have all the opportunities I never had. They are in college now and at 40 so am I.

Some days I feel like I can take on the world yet other days, when the self doubt creeps in, I think who do I think I am. When Im sitting in class with 20 somethings and no one wants to converse with the”non-traditional student” I feel so insecure and out of place. Yet, learning is so incedibly exciting and my sons are very proud of me. Its a strange and exciting journey. I refuse to let self doubt and others opinions, regarding all the doors that will be closed to me because of my age, keep me from pursuing my dreams!!!
-We are not now that strength which in old days moved heaven and earth; that which we are we are; one equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. – Alfred Lord Tennyson