As Kylie Minogue hits the landmark birthday, Jasper Gerard offers some sage advice. ’Kylie!” exclaimed a tabloid newspaper in wonder yesterday. “STILL fabulous at 40.” Well, what did they expect, as the much-loved, heroic chanteuse hits that milestone birthday today? Blue rinse, dentures and a wicker shopping basket? And just look at the others who have turned, or will turn, 40 in 2008: Daniel Craig, Lisa Marie Presley, Céline Dion, Patricia Arquette, Will Smith and Lucy Liu, a Charlie’s Angel celebrated for tight leather hot pants that she’s unlikely to be packing away any time soon.
In fact, none of the aforementioned is an obvious candidate for middle age as we once knew it. Not so long ago, 40-year-olds were thought to be in the grave, or making impressive strides towards it.
An unmarried woman like Kylie Minogue would not have been viewed as a glamourpuss “just spinning around” but as a spinster more likely to be Zimmering around in a rather sad fashion.
Not any more. Now there are entire industries devoted to reversing Newton’s law of gravity and the pursuit of eternal youth: thanks to diet, dentistry and exercise - and, for those less blessed than Kylie, cosmetic surgery - we can now look as peachy at 40 and beyond as we did at 30.
We’re not short of role models, either, in the baby boomers (Bill Clinton, Lulu, Sir Richard Branson, Grace Jones, Harrison Ford) who are trailblazing their way to their bus passes while continuing to flaunt youthful looks, fit bodies and fulfilling sex lives.
However, while it all helps, it doesn’t entirely ease the pain of reaching your 40th birthday - and I speak from recent experience. It remains the entry point to a club that none of us really wants to join: middle age.
It was a cruel moment when I awoke and found that a thief had come in the night for the last remnant of my youth, leaving a chilling calling card: “Happy 40th!” I tried to ignore the “loved ones” who were insisting on a party.
Instead, I was hit, very powerfully, by the thought that now is the time: that while I wasn’t yet approaching the finishing line, I was certainly no longer limbering up and waiting for the starting pistol.
Despite the relentless pressures of youth culture and our reluctance to embrace maturity, I would argue that turning 40 does demand a subtle change in demeanour. My generation has explored youth to its limit and is still tempted to do a Dorian Gray, in the manner of Madonna (50 this year) or Sir Mick Jagger (65 in July).
But trying so very hard to appear youthful merely highlights how mouldy one is underneath: Madge’s hands are bonier than those of Ena Sharples, while Jagger’s hipster jeans are bordering on the obscene.
It doesn’t have to be like this. No one looks at a suave Bryan Ferry (62) or David Bowie (61) and thinks: “My God, you look decrepit.” Still less Annie Lennox (53) or Chrissie Hynde (57).
They don’t construct absurd stage sets, do the splits, or simulate some after-the-watershed activity with a backing singer. They have adapted to age with dignity and grace, without compromising their talent or their capacity for enjoying themselves.
So no matter how good she looks - and it’s a million times better than she did with a frizzy perm and dungarees on Neighbours - I’d urge Kylie to follow suit.
Although her successful fight against breast cancer has made her a national treasure here and in her native Australia, there are worrying signs that she may try to fight the inevitable. Off-stage, she is a sublime vision of sexy elegance in Chanel; but on it, in her current KYLIEX2008 tour, there is still a hint of the showgirl that, if it continues, might begin to pall.
While her derrière continues to delight, as the sun goes down on her youth might not her hemlines also head a little lower? We adore Dame Judi Dench, too, but we don’t want to be seduced by her.
And while Madame Tussaud’s boasts a Kylie waxwork, heaven forbid that the waxwork ever gets to be more mobile than her. My wife gave me a personal trainer for my 40th, but after injuring my back weeding, I’ve spent more time with my osteopath.
Just as Lucy Liu should go easy on the karate kicks and Daniel Craig might do well to wear his trunks a little baggier in forthcoming Bond films, so Kylie might slow the disco beats. Explore the ballad, look lovelorn - it’s a good excuse for soft lighting.
Forty is too late for excuses; nothing can make up for time and opportunities lost. We must acknowledge that the illusion of eternal youth that sustained us through our thirties was, well, an illusion. But we can also embrace the gains of being 40.
There are some, honest. Confidence, for example: who among us would welcome back teenage insecurities? Or even a teenage complexion? And who’s to say that the years of our greatest hits don’t lie ahead?
It must come as a huge shock that I am the big 4-0. I know, I know, I look 30 or at a stretch 35. Must be the extra-virgin olive oil diet I’ve been on since birth. And hardly a wrinkle on my soft, supple skin - it’s amazing. Pamela Airbags Anderson says 40 is the new 20 so I’d better remember to take along my ID the next time I go clubbing.
I have a friend, let’s call her Veronica, who has erased two years from her life. She’s 36 but tells people she’s 34, presumbly to make herself more appealing to men and employers. She even lied to a boyfriend about her age but her cover was blown when he stumbled across her passport and saw her date of birth. Damn that passport! Surprise, surprise: he didn’t dump her because she was 36.
Unfortunately we live in an age-obsessed society where there is a halo around 15-year-old malnourished models but lying about one’s age does not magically make the body younger. There’s no turning back the body clock. Reproductive organs do not adjust to the pretend age like computers automatically adjust to daylight savings time. If only.
It’s unfair that women feel pressured to make time stand still. As men become greyer, they’re seen as debonair counts in smoking jackets, whereas women are discarded as haggard witches. Unless you’re Helen Mirren, who looks mighty hot for 62. She’ll still look hot when she turns 63 in July.
As for the theory that women on TV get boned if they pass an expiry date, there are an abundance of vibrant, mature faces on the box to disprove this: Jo Hall, Jennifer Keyte, Tracy Grimshaw, Kim Watkins, Kerri-Anne Kennerley, Liz Hayes, Lisa Wilkinson, Caroline Jones, Kathy Bowlen, Ellen Fanning, Geraldine Doogue, Sonia Kruger, Ann Sanders, Sandra Sultry, the list goes on. Gretel Killeen used to be on TV before she was evicted from the house.
The queen of the age-deniers is Kerri-Anne, the taut-faced Channel Nine morning-show host who’s in her “mid-50s”, or according to one article I read, in her “mid-40s”. All those early starts must make the memory fuzzy. The Age Diary played pin-point the age on the Kennerley and found she was delivered by the stork in 1953, so she’ll be blowing out 55 candles this year. Will her lungs cope? Now, what’s so bad about admitting she’s 55? She’s a stayer in TV world, she scrubs up well with the help of the “work” she’s had done, and she’s at the helm of a show that brings in millions from advertising fat-busting devices. She should stand proud.
One thing I’ve noticed as my years advance is that Hollywood celebs who were much older than me when I was a youngster seem to be a similar age to me now. I’ve got older but they haven’t. Curious. Maybe they just seemed older when I gazed at them on the telly or maybe they’ve wiped off a few years so they’re more attractive to casting directors. And to prolong their shelf life in the industry. Especially for the famous, it’s futile erasing the years because there’s always the chance a school buddy will emerge and helpfully point out their real age.
I know women who despair at turning 40 because of all the self-reflection that comes with it: married vs defacto vs single, with child vs without child, intentionally barren vs unintentionally barren. Take Pamela Anderson’s approach: you’re as young as you feel, or as young as the men who feel you.
I’d much prefer to state my real age and for people to tell me I look younger (go on, I know that you want to) than to say I’m 35 and hear that I look 40. Now, that would be a waste of a fib.
—
Suzanne Carbone goes where other reporters fear to tread: the red carpet. She has perfected the art of juggling her notepad with a glass of bubbly and a canape, all the while keeping her finger on the pulse of this pulsating town. Celebs - she has met a few. David Cassidy, from the Partridge Family, once stopped a news conference at the Como Hotel to rave about her dress. She even bumped into Barry Humphries in the women’s powder room at Flemington on Derby Day. Alas, not everyone is on the A-list and not all the bubbly is French. Yes, it’s a tough job but she’s just the someone to do it. Check out her blog at http://blogs.theage.com.au/limelight/
I was at work the other morning waiting for my relief to come on and the only thing I could think of was the line or two from David Lee Roth before the Van Halen song Hot for Teacher. You know the part where Eddie is twidling on the main guitar riff and David Lee ab libs, “I don’t feel tardy.”
I suppose that is sorta how I feel about turning 40. I don’t feel forty. A good point is that no I do not listen to Van Halen much but my Ipod is instead loaded with Sublime, The White Stripes, Shiny Toy Guns, Wilco, TV on the Radio and the like. I suppose I believed when I was a kid that forty year olds just listened to Paul Anka and were busy yelling at the neighbor kids to get out of their yard.
I suppose it is a blessing to feel more at ease talking to those younger then me then those older, but it is a bigger blessing that I feel I have more in common with the youth. Some of this youthful outlook is great. I love working out. Most folks my age seem to be less fit and as time goes on just give up being healthy. What started as weight loss morphed into weight training and now is taking on new avenues of fitness. I Loved bicycling into work the last few days and flipping off the gas sign on the way. I plan to do this until late fall (gas sign flipage contingent on future gas prices), but who knows we may have a mild winter. The point is that I am in the best physical shape of my life and I plan to improve to a higher excellence as time goes on and that is not the thinking of an old man.
The down side was I could of accomplished much more if I was not so immature in other areas of my life. My youth was not filled with sex, drugs, and rock and roll but two out of three ain’t bad. I would of took them all but their is no accounting for taste in the fairer sex. It is sorta silly to look back with regret. I mean the first time I benched four sets of 10 I did the bar alone. The next week I improved. We all start somewhere and when we start is different for all of us. Why did I wait until 38 to get healthy? The only thing I can come up with was I was resting from what I thought was an overwhelming life. Now I workout to get more from life.
All and all it is a beautiful life. Their is plenty of things to work on but I suppose I feel rested and ready for the challenge. I keep my eyes open for the wonder and never say never. It is like Dylan sang, “Ah, but I was so much older then I’m younger then that now.
Okay people, I’m turning the big 4-0 in less then 2 weeks. To some women this might put them in crisis mode ….but not me. I think being 40 will be great! I’m young enough to still be healthy and active, and old enough to be mature and insightful. Yes, it would be nice to have the bod I had at 21, but do I want to go back to that time? No way. Back then I thought I knew it all–but I didn’t have a clue about what life was really about. A real understanding about the truly important things in life takes years to learn….and even now I’m still working on those lessons. I bet I’ll continue to work on life’s lessons for many, many years to come.
Being the giving person that I am (don’t laugh!) I am going to share my top 10 ways to stay young and beautiful….even after turning 40. This has not been scientifically researched (but who really cares?) so I will not be held accountable for side effects or um……accidents if you try these top 10 things. Don’t say I didn’t warn you Side note: These little nuggets of wisdom are in no specific order. (Just thought I’d add that for those of you that are very particular about those types of things.)
DAWN’S TOP 10 SECRETS FOR STAYING YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL
1. Have selective hearing. Pretend you don’t hear your kids yelling, any loud thumps, or other chaos going on at the other end of the house. If you don’t “hear” it, then you won’t worry about it. Worry causes wrinkles. We don’t want wrinkles.
2. Practice bladder control. Try and run all your errands around town while drinking your 32 oz. of water in your ever present water bottle. Toughen up that bladder. Hold it until you are ready to pop. This exercise for the bladder will keep you out of Depends for several more years.
3. Don’t wear embarrassing clothes. Older women should not be wearing tube tops or mini skirts. It’s just not pretty. I don’t care how gorgeous you feel, this combo is not good. By the time you are 40 some of your stuff has shifted around and trust me on this, it doesn’t look as good as when you wore it at 21. Enough said.
4. Soak in the tub at least once a week. Don’t tell me you don’t have time. Make time. This is very relaxing. If any member of your family knocks on the bathroom door go back and review rule #1. Stay in the tub as long as possible…but not so long that you turn into a prune. Shriveled up skin is not attractive…and as you get older it might not “spring back” as quickly as it used to.
5. Exercise regularly. Not only will you feel better and your body will be healthier, but this will help to keep everything in it’s place and will reverse any sagging. You can have a little extra “junk in your trunk” but would you rather have the trunk of a Porshe or a 1978 station wagon? Hey, it’s up to you.
6. Have at least one good friend in your life. This is “your girl”. She hangs with you no matter what. She doesn’t care if you’ve gained an extra 10 pounds (even if you are doing #5) or if your latest haircut is a serious mistake. She loves you anyway. The longer you have this girlfriend the better. Every woman needs someone to commiserate with. Even if you have a wonderful, loving husband you still need a good girlfriend…there are sometimes when men just don’t get us females.
7. Fork out the extra money for some awesome skincare. This is necessary. We need all the elastin and collagen that we can get. Firm and plump that skin. Good skin care will give you a naturally healthy glow, smooth soft skin and reduced wrinkles. Don’t go get cosmetic surgery. Just don’t do it…..you don’t want to turn out like some of the Hollywood stars that now look like they could be the displays in a wax museum.
8. Love your family and tell them daily how much they mean to you. When you are gone they will remember the sweet memories, you will become almost saint-like in their eyes……they will completely forget how they thought their mother was the weirdest mother on earth and how she embarrassed them beyond all recognition.
9. Love your husband after all he has to put up with you. Yes, you might have to pick up his underwear off the floor for the 50 billionth time, but he has to deal with your moods and crankiness during PMS week. Having someone to love helps make the years enjoyable, and if you are blessed to have a wonderful husband, then he will always love you…and in his minds eye you will always look like the beautiful woman he married. (even if you really don’t….love is blind so go with it.)
10. Finally, staying young is a state of mind. So really work on your mind. Keep it active and sharp. Learn new things, keep up on current affairs, do puzzles. Hey, it’s important to have your wits about you….
I hope you will find these tidbits of knowledge that I’ve gleaned over the years to be useful….and if not, I can live with that, but don’t say I didn’t try to be helpful. In my humble opinion I will be a force to be reckoned with in my 40’s. I’m looking forward to this decade. Good bye 30’s…Hello 40’s! There’s a new girl in town!!
What is 40? It is a great song by U2, but that is not what I mean today. Today I turn 40. I have not struggle with turning 40 as some do, but it has caused me to reflect on my life. To tell the truth, I have been reflecting for a month or so on this as I have been heading toward the BIG 40. In my reflecting, I have thought “what positive difference have I made in peoples lives”. This has caused me to think more deeply. I have come up with a life purpose statement as a result of this reflecting. I want to make a positive difference for Christ in peoples live and then in turn see them make a positive difference for Christ in peoples lives. Whether this statement will change or morph over the years I do not know, but I would suspect that it will, but for now this is what I want to see happening. I want my life and my time here on this planet to count for the Kingdom of God both now and for eternity. Do you have a life purpose statement and if you do what is it? Read more from Jim at his blog.
I am 39½ years old. I always thought I would not make it to see my 40th birthday. Is there a support group for men and women either turning or who have already turned 40?
I am overweight and all I wanted was to lose my weight before I turned 40 (I decided that at 38).I have a good job, I own my own house, my son is almost 19 and I have been amicably divorced for 5 years now. I love the house that I live in and I don’t see changing jobs as an option but I am also lonely sometimes.
I am beginning to feel like I will be an old maid with 50 cats. I guess you might say I am having a mid-life crisis and I don’t know what to do about it. I need help. I need to talk to other people my age or slightly older who survived turning 40 and hopefully now enjoy life.
I had written this last year around by birthday. But since I was not updating my blog then, I didn’t publish it then.
The Early Years
On August 15, I turn 40. By standard life expectancy measures, I have probably crossed the half-way mark. Birthdays are a good time to reminisce and look ahead. So, here are my thoughts on my life so far and what I’d like to do in the future.
I was born in Pune in 1967. My father, a civil engineer, had returned from an educational and work stint in the US. He had grown up in Rajasthan. My mother had grown up in Pune. She was 19 years old when she married my father in February 1966. After I was born, she continued to spend more time with her parents in Pune to complete her studies in Arts.
Sometime after that, my mother and I moved to Mumbai (Bombay as it was called then) to be with my father’s family. Ours was a small home, first at Chinchpokli (Byculla), then at Nepean Sea Road, and finally at Mahim. My father had quit L&T a few years ago to start his own consulting practice - as a structural engineer helping design buildings, especially tall skyscrapers.
Mahim was where I spent much of my early childhood. I went to St. Michael’s High School. We lived in Mahim till I was 7 years old. Then, we moved to Siddhartha building on Nepean Sea Road - which was to be our home for the next 30 years. With that, I also changed schools - shifting to St. Xavier’s High School (near Metro).
I was a quiet, studious child. My younger sister, Neeta, was born when I was 5. My mother’s sister lived on the floor below us in the same building. Neeta and my cousins were more of the same age, and interacted a lot more with each other than I did with them. In the building, I was the youngest by a wide margin - and so never quite had deep friendships. It was school and books that brought out the best in me.
I discovered new worlds through reading. Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with the radio. Listening to BBC World Service enriched my life. I’d sit at the window, close my eyes, and listen to the radio for hours. My favourites were the two science programmes, Discovery and Science In Action. I used to even be able to identify the news readers just by listening to their voices!
Academically, I did very well - topping my class. Two of my closest friends are the ones I went to school with. One of the events which brought us close was the Nehru Science Centre Quiz Contest. We beat out everyone else to win that in 1981. I was also fortunate to have some wonderful teachers - and till date, I try and maintain contact with a few of them.
I would spend vacations at my grandparents’ home in Pune. Once a year or so, my parents, sister and I would go to Rajasthan - where my father had set up a marble factory. When I was 14, we went on a packaged tour (SOTC) of Europe. It was around that time I started keeping a diary - a habit which lasted many years. (Even today, every so often, I will write out a page or two of my thoughts.)
College Days
In 1982, after completing the SSC exams, I joined St. Xavier’s College. College was not particularly exciting. Maybe it was the environment. It was a big change from school. I didn’t study as much in the first few months - spending more time in the library reading. I remember getting the shock of my life when I ended up getting 59 out of 100 in Maths! That was it. Back to academics.
Around that time, as I was getting quite bored, my father bought a computer for his office. And that changed my life. Until then, I had wanted to be a civil engineer - just like him. I would accompany him on site visits to see the new construction. The computer came into my life when I was looking for some alternate outlet for my creativity.
I leant BASIC programming from a book. After my classes at college, I would go to my father’s office and write software - mostly games. I remember three games that I created - one which simulated a one-day international cricket match, another one to play Monopoly, and a third one which I called “Mindermast” after the Mastermind game (also known as Bulls and Cows).
I loved spending time on the computer. It was around that time I decided that I wanted to become a computer engineer when I grew up. Perhaps, I thought that my logical thinking was made-for-programming. Or maybe, the reading that I did convinced me that computers were the future. But it would be still many years before I really go to do more programming.
Twelfth standard studying meant joining Agarwal Classes. I also started preparing for IIT. That left very little time to do anything else. My father was also keen that I go abroad for studies - and so I applied to various US universities. As it turns out, I got into IIT (193rd rank in JEE) and had an admission from Carnegie-Mellon. After talking to various people, I decided to stay in India and join IIT - even though I had to settle for Electrical Engineering rather than Computer Science.
It was the four years at IIT that brought out the best in me. Luckily, I didn’t do well academically in the first semester. I focused completely on studying - and ended up not topping my class. That shook my confidence - if after all this time spent studying I could not be the best, then what more could I do? What started as a ‘timepass’ volunteer effort in Mood Indigo in 1985 led me down the path of extra-curricular activities, and I ended becoming the General Secretary (Cultural Affairs) in my final year.
More than anything, IIT helped me open up. I learnt very little in the classroom, but everything outside it. The ‘cack sessions’ with wingmates in the hostel, the late-night chess sessions, participating in student government, organising Mood Indigo 1988, the Himankan trek in the Himalayas - all helped developed aspects of my personality which have stood me in good stead in life.
American Journey
Even as I participated in all the other activities in IIT, I did reasonably well academically - passing out with a CPI of 7.93 on a scale of 10. I got into Columbia University, New York, and in early September 1988, took a Lufthansa flight to JFK. I was now completely on my own. I was 21, but in many ways, had led a fairly protected and sheltered life. School and college had been fun and somewhat carefree. Now, I had to go out and build my career.
When I left India, I was very sure that I would come back within a few years. My father had done the same in the mid-60s, and that was what was expected of me. He did not have any expectation that I would join him. All he said was come back and become an entrepreneur. “Doing something on my own” was what I wanted to do. I had seen my father experiment with many ventures - a few succeeded but many failed. Yet, he never stopped trying.
I completed my Masters in Electrical Engineering in 9 months at Columbia. I took half my courses in Computers - rekindling the love from seven years ago. I still remember the Operating Systems course I took in the first semester. My advisor warned me against it - since I did not the prerequisite of C Programming. I told him - give me a few weeks, and I will learn C. Which is what I did - while I was doing four other courses. Programming came naturally to me - and I enjoyed it.
Living in New York was something else I liked. I discovered Calvin and Hobbes, and a deeper love for books (including Poetry). I also discovered Cooking - no choice there! New York was so much like Bombay - a fast-paced buzz that never left you.
After Columbia, I started looking for a job. It was a tough market - the summer of 1989. Luckily, I got an offer from NYNEX Science and Technology in White Plains, an hour or so from New York City. I accepted and joined in September. NYNEX was at that time one of the Baby Bells, created out of AT&T.
NYNEX was a wonderful learning opportunity for me. I combined my love for programming with ‘business development.’ I got to travel and meet people, make presentations, and build ‘relationships.’ It was as good as it gets - until I reminded myself of my India commitment. And so, in December 2001, I walked into my manager’s cabin and handed in my resignation. It wasn’t easy - the team at NYNEX had become like an extended family. And yet, I knew I had to return to India. Entrepreneurship beckoned - though at that time I had no idea what I would do. After a few months with a company on the West Coast, I returned to India in early May 1992.
Entrepreneurship
I have chronicled my fifteen years as an entrepreneur in detail in an earlier Tech Talk. All I want to say here is that these fifteen years, with all their ups and downs, have been as exhilarating as anything I could have imagined. For me, it is about creating new things, it is about the journey. I have tried fifteen different things in these fifteen years. There has only been one big success. But that has never stopped me from trying or dreaming big. Failure, for me, has been a learning opportunity. And that will never change.
I am currently involved in running Netcore. We are doing some interesting things in the mobile data space. I have also invested in more than a dozen companies - with a thesis that we need to build the digital infrastructure for the India first, and then take these solutions to other emerging markets. I think of these ventures as the Emergic ecosystem.
In the next five years, I hope many of these ventures will succeed. If they do, I will benefit in two ways. I will not only have significant financial resources (and here I means, access to billions of dollars) but also I have the ‘operating system’ for layering the applications that can transform life in India.
For me, money is an instrument of change. I have no interest in leaving a financial legacy and a fat bank balance for our only son. I want to bring about change in India in my lifetime. I want to spend all the money that I earn in my lifetime and while I can - because we are running out of time for India. But I do not have enough for what I want to do (more on that shortly). So, I am using entrepreneurship as a ‘money amplifier.’
The Emergic ecosystem companies will also help create the core elements for building out India’s digital infrastructure. From network computers to broadband equipment, from mobile data services to mobile payments, from leveraging video over broadband to creating books for an increasingly literate population, from rethinking healthcare to using solar energy - companies in the Emergic ecosystem have various elements which can help lay the foundation for the change we want to bring about.
As I look ahead, I would like to help build the New India over the next two to three decades. That, for me, means three things. And in all three ideas, my guide has been Atanu Dey. Atanu has helped me think deeply about the issues that need to be addressed for the development of India - and Indians.
Three Goals
Here are three things I’d like to do in the rest of my life and which will require investments of hundreds of millions of dollars. This is not about philanthropy, but about building the right systems and foundation - in a sort-of self-generating way. Ideally, the Indian government should have been the enabler - but I don’t see that happening with the politicians we have. Indian business has started taking the lead but is not doing this fast enough - and in some cases, is not even doing it right.
First, ensuring access to quality education for hundreds of millions of Indians. Education is a life-enhancer - and nothing comes close. My father was helped by his education to get out of the village he grew up in and created opportunities for himself. How can we do the same for millions in India who are otherwise resigned to a life devoid of opportunity? This is not about trying to build the world’s best school or college, but ensuring that a sustainable and scalable system to provide quality education for everyone in India. For more, read Atanu Dey’s series on Doing Education Right.
Second, we need to build hundreds of new cities to house the hundreds of millions of people who we need to get out from the villages. Our current cities are bursting at the seams. Creating urban slums in not the answer. We need 600 new cities of a million each or 6,000 towns of 100,000 each - or a mix of both. But there is no way we can provide any reasonable future to pockets of 1,000 people living in 600,000 villages. In other words, India cannot afford its villages - and needs to urbanise fast. Else, the demographic dividend will turn out to a big nightmare. Creating these new cities right - in a clean, green, and self-sustainable way - is what I’d like to see us do. For more, read Atanu Dey’s series on Creating India’s New Cities.
Finally, I want to create a Santa Fe-like institution in India. It should be a place where multi-disciplinary thinking is the norm. It should be a magnet for smart people to spend time interacting with the best in different areas so they can forge multiple mental models which can then go out and solve problems right. We go wrong in solutions because we have partial knowledge and so we do not understand the real problem. This leads to what I call brain-dead decisions. An institution like this will ensure that we make the right decisions for the future. It will create a platform for the innovations we will continue to need.
The day after we had sold IndiaWorld for $115 million in November 1999, my wife, Bhavana, told me: “We are custodians of God’s money. If God has given us money at such an early age, there must be something He has in mind for us. We have to utilise this wealth for the greater good.” These are words which have formed the bedrock of my life since then. Till then, I was an entrepreneur trying to prove that I could, even after repeated failures, be successful at least once. Since then, I have come to believe that what good we need to do, we have to do in our present life - while we still have the physical and mental energies.
I think it is very telling that there is a site started just two years ago called ‘turning40′.I think our generation is “insistent”, in some ways, of not having the turning 40 stigma.I mean didn’t MTV just celebrate an anniversary?
I turn 40 in 5 days and I asked a bunch of people for a list of all the things I should do in the next 5 days that would be socially unacceptable for me to do after I turn 40.The only thing that came up was “take dirty pictures”.
I am very happy with how my life has turned out.However, one of my goals in life was to reach that point…. no matter WHERE I was in life at any given time.That’s all we all really want is to just be happy regardless of circumstances.
The only thing I am NOT happy with is my weight.I lift heavy weights alot so I have sort of a football player look to me, but, I do carry more fat than I want.But on the other hand, I think, WHY DO I CARE?I have the most amazing wife in the world, awesome kids, and a fun life.Why do I care if I’m ’sexy’?BFD! Right?Now I just have to convince myself of that.
I turned 40 a couple of months ago, and while it remains debatable as to whether I’m engrossed and tangled in any sort of midlife crisis, one thing remains undeniably clear – I need to get a physical. I want to be around for a whole lotta years, so I can watch K-Man celebrate major milestones and experience “those moments.” And, in order to make sure that happens…a call to Dr. Jellyfingers must be made.
The physical at 40 is one of those “man-milestones” that we start hearing about in our early 30s. We have friends who start turning 40 and they start talking. We hear about the full slate of tests – from the stress tests to the cholesterol tests to the…well, “that test.”
Any dude in my generation (and many of those who have followed) can quote (verbatim) lines from the movie, “Fletch.” In fact, most of us can likely perform a one-man re-enactment of the entire movie. This, of course, includes the scene when Fletch visits his doctor (that hauntingly goes a little something like this):
Doctor: Bend over and drop your pants
Fletch: Say you know, my kidneys feel a lot better in this position maybe it’s just that I’m not doing any calisthenics.
Doctor: Just relax
Fletch: You know if I did some sit-ups in the morning, or bent over like this I’d probably feel 100% bett… (starts singing) Moooooon Riverrrrrr…
Doctor: Breathe easy
Fletch: You got the whole fist up there, Doc?
Doctor: You can pull your pants up now. I don’t see anything wrong with you.
Fletch: I’m sure it’s not for lack of trying. Thanks a lot, doc. You ever serve time?”
While the movie may be one of the classics of all-time (admittedly, perhaps just for guys), and while that scene is one of the best in a movie filled with gems, as my day in the doctor’s office approaches – it’s less funny and now just kind of haunting.
I’m not a complete idiot (also debatable); I know the physical is something that I must do. I know how important it is to get all the parts checked – including a bunch of parts that haven’t ever really been checked. That’s the point. Regardless of how young (and immature?) I feel, my body still has 40 years on it. (And, due to some friendly abuses – perhaps it’s even got a few extra years on it.) I need this physical.
So, I figure it’s time to start training. (Geez…talk about burying the lede.)
If I have to go in there and get poked, prodded and probed like a piece of meat – well, I’m going to do it in as close to rock-solid shape as I can get. I’m going to eat better, hit the weights, step up the pace of the walks with Harley and, most importantly, do more K-Man curls and K-Man ups. (The kid is 30+ pounds of absolute dead weight – might as well put him to work toning the biceps and pecs, right?) Most importantly, though, I think I’ll work on my rendition of “Moon River.” (Insert your favorite deity here) knows – when that (hopefully very lubricated glove) hits home, reciting Fletch may very well be my best defense.
When it’s all over, though, I’ll have the knowledge that I’m healthy and will be around for things like K-Man’s elementary school graduation, soccer games, first date, prom and so on. I want to be around to help him prepare for is SAT and take him on his college tours. And, if having some stranger in white coat violate me with G-d knows what is my ticket to entry to each of these events…so be it. I’m happy to take that one (two, three, four or more fingers) for the team. (Don’t start on the colonoscopy, though. Have a few more years to prepare for that. Damn.)
Oh, my bowl of oatmeal is ready. Let the training begin.
Turned 40 today and spent most of the day in a funk. Typical behavior for me around birthday time every year. Taking stock and all that…what have I done? What successes can I point to? What have I learned? Who have I helped? I think normal questions at the half-life point (ah if I could only be Cesium, but then again, who wants to live that long?).
Well, the answer came at dinner.
There’s a 5 year old in my house that adores me, and an 18 year old that gave me a wise-ass card about getting old, and a wife that bought a singing card with one of my favorite artists and a special song about love. It’s all good.
So often, the answers lie right in front of us. Someday, I think that God will be more concerned with what I did in this little part of the world than anything else…
Apparently, 40 is the new 30. This makes me worry even more about turning 40, and not just for the inevitable lame jokes. If 40 now defines adulthood, I have only a short time left in which to be a kid.
Does that mean I’ll finally have to start sipping fair-trade coffee in the den, instead of Corona on the back porch? Will I have to give up my black punk-y wardrobe, for an art teacher ensemble of sensible sandals and peasant skirts?
Thirty wasn’t a good year for me, anyhow. Forty is bound to be better. At 30, I had a slummy apartment and a crappy job. Mr. Wonderful (now known as My Husband) was dragging his feet on proposing. It seemed that everyone else I knew had a real job, a spouse, two or three kids, the works. I kept praying, to God or the universe, or whomever was listening, “Puh-leeze, can I just have ‘a’ car, ‘a’ house, and be married to ‘a’ reasonably nice guy, before I get any older?”
Well, it worked. Sort of. I often joke that I should’ve been more specific. “This Old House” is far from being done, the car has over 450,000 km on it, and the husband…nah, just kidding, he is wonderful.
Since I spent my 20s dashing about from one low-paying job to another (or to two jobs, or even three, at a time), I didn’t have the resources for what people think you “should” be doing in your 20s. I’ve never been to Florida on Spring Break, or spent a summer planting trees. I’ve never hitchhiked to Vancouver, or followed the Grateful Dead around for a few months, either.
However, I had so many addresses that my friends still tease me with, “Suuure, you’ve moved for the laaast time. Let me just write your phone number down in pencil.” I also enjoyed a lot of rainy camping trips (the poor man’s vacation), met Neil Young, and was at the hospital the day my nephew was born. (The nurses almost didn’t let me on to the floor. I was covered in cat hair, from moving yet again. My aggressive kitty refused to be caged, and had spent two hours in a moving van, climbing up and down me like a jungle gym, but I was there!)
Times have changed. It used to be, back in the Dark Ages (or, “The ’80s”), that everyone left home at 18 or 19. Sure, you might come home during the summers, if you were away at college, but basically, you were out of the nest, doing your own thing. Now it seems to be OK to live at home until your late 20s, and be saving up to buy a house.
How on earth do all these (harrumph!) young whippersnappers justify this dependant behaviour?
How does one say to worn-out looking Mom and Dad, “Listen, I know I said I’d be out of here this year, but I’d really like to ummm, er, go to Cancun this winter, and, ummm, buy a new Saturn first, so…?”
If you “can’t” afford your own apartment, what kind of justification can you possibly invent for tropical vacations, or for driving a slicker ride than your parents do?
I’m sure if Andy and I approached my parents and said, “We’re tired of supporting ourselves. We’d love to move in with you guys, and spend a year making hemp bracelets to sell at concerts” my mom would have the proverbial canary.
I’m sure she’s pretty sick of all those avian births.
From me crashing my car end over end, to my brother Rory buying a motorcycle a few years ago, she’s probably exhausted. The last time she had to suffer through one was when my brother Matt fell off his skateboard, and broke his arm. When he was 31 years old. Yeah.
I have no idea how I’ll feel in a few months, when I hit 40 and am finally a real, true grown up. I doubt that I’ll give up Saturday morning cartoons, or wearing my Chucks. I certainly will not be driving a mini van, or giving serious thought to gracious forms of “retirement lifestyle living.” I just hope my laugh lines are deeper for a reason. And to paraphrase Jerry Garcia, that the inevitable “touch of grey” kind of suits me, anyway.
Barbra McDonnell is a freelance writer, and works at an agency for people living with disabilities. She and her husband reside in Kitchener. She grew up in Perth County, and graduated from Stratford Central Secondary. The month of June will see her using a fire extinguisher on an overly lit cake.
What do you do when your dreams come true? Except for being fat, I really don’t have any serious complaints about my life so far! I have a great wife. I have an amazing one year old child. My parents know I love them. My brother knows I love him, although I have not spent enough time with him lately.
I have been successful enough in various businesses to have the things I want - Home, Second Home, freedom to travel to wherever I want. I am starting a philanthropic venture. I am starting a little cafe just for the fun of it. But I still feel something strange in my stomach about turning 40?
Turning 40 - It's All About the Journey is a collaborative work in progress focused on this major life event.
Is it coming up? Did you just turn? Was it a pivitol time for you? Did you sleep right through it? Was it everything you wanted it to be? Do you have what you want? How has it changed your outlook on life? Now What?!
This site invites you to share your experience of one of the most important turning points in your life so that you and others can teach and learn, inspire and be inspired, challenge and be challenged, and experience Turning 40 to the fullest.
Side note: These little nuggets of wisdom are in no specific order. (Just thought I’d add that for those of you that are very particular about those types of things.)
Loading ...