Turning 40 - It’s All About the Journey

39 + 1 by Jon

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Are You Turning 40 and Looking for a Profound Life Change?

Have a great day!

Today’s the day I stop worrying about turning 40. Because it’s done, and there’s nothing I can do about it, except remind myself to be grateful that I’ve gotten this far.

Over the past week, there has been terrible news. An acquaintance has been killed, a baseball player died, friends and family both received very concerning health news. Everything I need to put my life in perspective is here. I have been given great gifts. I just wish I felt better about how I was using them.

My misgivings about turning 40 have been considerable, but not rising from a general discomfort with growing old - though, I have to say, that number 40 seems as huge today as 30 once did (knowing full well that in 10 years time, both will seem impossibly young). It’s been this feeling that I’ve been moving backward as much as I’ve been moving forward.

That is really a stupid thought, given all that has happened in the past decade. Ten years ago, I was single and barely employed. Today, I am 7 1/2 years into marriage, with two children and - Breaking News - a third one on the way, a second little boy, coming right around the time the Dodgers will make their Coliseum appearance in March. (Talk about your Moon Shots!)

My career, after a pretty major detour, has also been on an upswing since last year - and that’s a relief. And Dodger Thoughts has been an unexpectedly rewarding pleasure.

But during the past 10 years, I abandoned the career that I really wanted, and to this day I regret the decision. A few somewhat out-of-touch acquaintances of mine this month have asked me if I were on strike (with the Writers Guild of America), and I found myself feeling sad to say that I wasn’t.

I wish I were screenwriting. In fact, I have an idea burning a hole in the pocket of my brain right now, but I have no time to work on it. Screenwriting, for me, is not like blogging. In the time that it takes me to get out what would qualify as a medium-to-long post on Dodger Thoughts, I’d just be getting warmed up to work on a script. That first hour of screenwriting was more like calisthenics than anything else. My life, these days, simply isn’t conducive to writing fiction.

But it’s not just the notion of a dream deferred or denied that has had me down. It’s that with the passing of that dream has come the passing of any chance of being worry-free when it comes to income. The fact is, short of actually being a working Hollywood writer, my job at Variety is about as happy a situation as I could have found. But it’s journalist pay. Nothing much there.

I can’t think of much that is more distasteful than complaining about money, and the fact is, I make more than plenty of people. So my point isn’t to cry poverty. It’s just to articulate this reality that my income isn’t keeping up with how much I’m spending on day-to-day life, even though I’m trying to keep those expenses to a minimum. This year, in fact, I will have made more money than I ever had before, and yet I’m still not earning what I need to. I’ve gone from fiscally responsible to irresponsible, with each passing year getting harder, regardless of what I should be earning or spending. That’s why I feel like I’m moving backward. I spend a great deal of time worrying. I find myself talking about it with other people even though it’s the last thing I want to talk about, because it’s so inexorably a part of what’s going on with me in my head. Money matters more to me than I could have ever dreamed possible 10 years ago - it’s poisoning my life. But moving to a cabin in Montana isn’t an option.

Ten years ago, I had sincere fears of hitting 40 lonely, not in financial decline. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I don’t feel sorry for myself. I feel fortunate. I love this family of mine. But I’m just sharing with you that, in all honesty, when I see those bills, I have to remind myself to feel good about myself. It’s embarrassing, really.

Another place where I’m suffering is with my friends. In the past month, by coincidence, my best friend from college and my best friend from high school came into town for the first time since my wedding, and I had the chance to catch up with them for a couple hours apiece. Each time, with no effort, we fell into that incredible groove of conversation that best friends have. And then they were gone, eventually heading back to Michigan and Colorado. I still have my best best friend sleeping in the same bed with me, and my parents 10 minutes away (and don’t think I underestimate that). But aside from them, I just don’t really have anybody that tight. All my closest friends live elsewhere, and we’re horrible at keeping in touch. It’s just not right.

Perhaps most importantly - and this should be clear by the melancholy tone of this piece - I’m not entirely happy with the person I am, about how I can be angry and selfish and self-defeating. It’s not that I don’t have my good qualities, but I don’t really feel like I’m evolving. I’m meeting some of the greater challenges of my life, but I’m not keeping pace. As my world becomes centered around getting my work done, and making sure I give my kids what they need instead of screwing them up, and trying to juggle my pregnant wife’s prayer to get 15 more minutes of sleep in against my desire to have 15 minutes to myself, I feel more like I’m devolving, unless the fact that my life belongs more to others is the real evolution. I often tell people that now, the days take longer but the years fly by. It’s the strangest thing.

If I could give myself completely to my family, or take myself completely away, I’d be happy. But I find myself want to straddle the two, which are contradictory. Me Time vs. Them Time. Why can’t Them Time be Me Time 100 percent instead of less?

People can minimize it all they want, but these round-numbered birthdays are times that I take stock, and looking at myself, I see a complicated picture. I see things to celebrate, even to take pride in. But I don’t always take pride in myself. Just trying to survive each day and punch out a few good moments without screwing up doesn’t seem like much to crow about.

I’d like to say I love my life, but love implies accepting the good and the bad, let alone the simply irritating, and I struggle. My family can be a trial at times, but it gives me a kind of joy you simply can’t otherwise imagine, and I can honestly say that my favorite moment of any day are the moments that I walk my little girl to kindergarten, or hugging the kids good night. But I keep wanting perfection. I’m 40 years old and still a spoiled brat.

Anyway, when I went to bed Sunday, I turned out the light, looked at my clock glowing with its LCD display, prepared to tick off the last 45 minutes of my 30s, and said to myself, “Screw it. I’m just going to be a young 40.” It’s going to take some effort, but it’s pretty much the only way to go.

Posted in Fear, Gratitude, Looking Back | No Comments »

On Turning 40 by Audra

I’ve heard a lot of women say that their 40th birthday was their most difficult. Thus far, I am approaching that milestone with as much grace and dignity as I might have hoped…with a few concessions…I bought myself a pair of Chinese Converse Knock-offs and I plan to dye my hair bright red. (Allow me to take a moment to extol the many virtues of cheap Chinese knock-offs. They are most likely made in the same factory, by the same tortured laborers, yet they cost $65 dollars less and I do not have to endure the crisis of collective identity that comes with riding a bandwagon. Cheap Chinese knock-offs always have some silly flaw. My Ju*Hang shoes are stitched over the ankle with the number 80 – Jerry Rice, perhaps? – except over the right foot, it is 08.)

Though I have yet to verbalize the experience in print, turning 30 was extremely difficult for me. It was a tumultuous and emotional period in my life. By contrast, 40 seems a nice number – the first digit hard and sharp, the second soft and round, an appropriate metaphor for my current mental state and evolving physical condition..

Birthdays are a natural time for reflection. Perhaps none more so than 40, which in my (and Maude’s) opinion is indeed the most accurate demarcation of mid-life. This last week, Kevin and I have been indulging in a considerable amount of reflection and reminiscence, and I can say with no uncertainty, that I am incredibly satisfied with the first half of my life. It has been rich and full beyond my imagination. While I have no intention of doing so, I can honestly say I could die tomorrow and not feel short changed.

Now, I know the older of you amongst my blogging audience will scoff at this statement, and I fully reserve the right to revise my opinion as my life draws closer to its end – I am cognizant of human nature. But for now, I take comfort and pride in a life lived daringly, if not drunkenly.

Oh, and for all the kindly people throughout my life who have frequently and gleefully told me “Oh, yeah, you’re skinny now, but just wait until you turn 40. Your metabolism will change and you’ll blimp out just like the rest of us.”

Congratulations.

I hope you choke on your maliciously smug prescience.

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Turning 40…The Beginning….by Auntie Dot

Oh yes. I remember my 40th birthday. I was down with a 39degrees fever unlike described by Frank Sinatra’s “you give me fever, what a lovely way to burn.”. Instead, it was an old lady who gave me that darn fever and trust me, fever caused by bloody virus is definitely not a lovely way to burn. My favorite teacher use to tell me to think of something positive, when you are down. The only positive think I could think of at that time, was that I was running the right body temperature for giving an excellent fellatio. What? It’s impossible to think about hiking the Everest when you’re already more nauseas than imagining what the altitude could do to the last content of your food intake.

On a hindsight, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You know what they say about a little near death experience is good to get one’s life into perspective. ( Hey, I am an Aries, and an Arien is an eternal attention seeking child. It’s not my fault I’m a Drama Queen). Well, in my time of despair, there and then I made an important decision in my life. I’ve decided that it was awful to plunge myself in an abyss of self pity and misery and I will not allow myself a second visit there. I’ve decided that, turning 40 will be a dawn of a new chapter in my life. I’ve decided to take charge in writing the plot in this chapter and the theme is being happy while continuing my pursue towards achieving harmonious wealth.

Oh yes, I am an Oprah sucker and in case you’ve missed the episode where the some experts defined “harmonious health”, I’ll just fill you in. Harmonious wealth comprises of 5 elements which are, intelligence, spiritual, relationships, health and material wealth. Sitting alone in bed running a temperature that could cook an egg had it landed on my naval (which is a tricky thing considering the extra fat deposited through the years had made it convex rather than concave…) , obviously I need to work more on the health part.

So, on my 40th birthday, I did not go anywhere to celebrate it. That night, I realize I had been in a place where I’ve not been for a long time. I had been to ME……Suddenly, turning 40 sounds like a dawn of a new beginning…

Posted in Getting Better with Time | No Comments »

40 on the Horizon

Hmmmmmmmm…I’m also on the horizon of turning 40 next year so I’m REALLY thinking about who I am and what I’m going to do and why I’m here. This is going to be humorous as I try to navigate “turning 40″ in 2008. Thank heavens I have Hubby, Little One and my faith in God….they keep my feet on the ground as my vanity about “getting old” is starting to kick into high gear.

I’m already doing some interesting things…some stuff interesting…some stuff really vain. On the vanity side of things I’m starting to look over and over again in the magnifying mirror I have on my bathroom counter. I ask myself, “…….hmmmm….would they believe me if I said I said I was 33? 35?” For the first time in my life I feel the need to hide and lie about my age.

At the same time I have huge desire and drive to bring back my creative side. I’m a musician and artist at heart. I stopped that phase about 15 years ago to chase the almighty dollar with a more stable career. Thank goodness that is out my system and well…my wallet will have to adjust.

Atomic Mamma

Posted in Getting Closer | No Comments »

Women 40 And Fabulous - The Good, Bad And Ugly Of Turning The Big Four Oh!

Have you heard? 40 is the new 30. That is if at 30 you were starting to show those fine lines, your underarms were beginning to sag and yet your inner self was starting to be twice as strong as it was at 20. For most of us, turning 40 will be a dramatic difference from the past two decades of our lives.

Turning 40 carries the weight of “oh my God, I’m getting old.” We realize we are not, after all, invincible. The three glasses of wine we used to be able to drink now dwindles down to one. The eyesight we had so sharply now becomes dimmer (yikes…trying on those reading glasses in the drugstore is an exercise in humble). The body needs more work. The skin needs more powerful products (and possibly procedures?). The spirit starts to clamor for past passions and dreams. We realize this is our life. We better really start doing something about it.

Of course you’ve heard the stories “Once I turned 40, my rear headed south and didn’t stop.” “After 40, my energy just dropped.” “Getting old sucks.” All true. It happens. It doesn’t skip anyone. Some are more affected than others, but we all are affected. There is some solace in that fact. We are united in the aging process. It’s what we do about it that separates us.

Some let the downhill slide begin and never make an attempt to stop it. Some go a bit overboard and start heading to the docs for Botox well before hitting 35. There’s a happy medium in there somewhere, but it does take effort. If you are set on aging well, you need to work at it. It does not just happen.

Naturally your diet needs to be healthy. Of course you need to exercise (definitely start doing weight training if you haven’t). Your body has always needed this. Get yourself to a good dermatologist to assess a skincare program (washing your face with whatever’s in the shower just won’t cut it anymore). However, it’s what happens inside that makes the entire process so darn interesting.

You look in the mirror and see someone older, maybe a little tired with a bit less spark. However, upon closer inspection, you also see a full-grown woman with wisdom, clarity, sense of self and even confidence. It’s those inner changes that totally make up for the loss of girlish glow you might experience. While we still want to look youthful and attractive, we somehow know that giving up that rather naive look about our eyes for the deeper, slightly more crinkled look is absolutely worth it.

There are women who would probably say they’d give up the wisdom to have the youth back. But if they really thought about it, would they? Would they, if given the choice, want to make those same past mistakes again? Deal with those toxic people long ago cut out of our lives? Work in that awful dead-end job while trying to make something of ourselves? Deal with the diapers? Date out-of-work musicians and cocky guys who never did call? Worry about the rent? The roommates? The uncertainty?

If you really think about it, the youth factor is overrated. Sure, you can exist on three hours of sleep, eat what you like without worrying about sagging, not have the responsibilities of your current life. But, like in the old Twilight Zone episodes, the price may be too steep. Nothing is free.

These days turning 40 is completely different than when our mothers and grandmothers turned 40. We aren’t necessarily deemed matronly and doomed to skirts below the knee and sensible shoes. We can wear tight jeans, super high silly heels, body-hugging jackets and even hair extensions. We can look 30 (or maybe 35) as well as be smart, sexy, confident and self-powerful. If it’s done right, it’s done well. If it’s not, it’s just a sad clinging to a younger time. It’s finding that line between that works for you.

As a 40+ year old woman, I know it takes work to look and feel good. It takes more than some and less than others. As always, it’s a work in progress. I relish the work ahead. As a woman facing the same, be careful what you spout to others coming up the age ladder. We should sing the praises of becoming a more self-evolved woman and let them that face it later, dare I say, even look forward to the prospect?

K. Moehr is an author and marketing consultant. Her book, Top Sellers Tell, can be found at http://www.amazon.com Visit her direct sales power marketing site at: http://www.isellmoretoday.com

Calling all 40 and Fabulous Women: Be a part of our next book project! Tell your story about turning 40 with your own personal interview. Contact K. Moehr to learn more: kmseller@aol.com

Posted in Aging | No Comments »

Josh Brolin on Turning 40

Actor Josh Brolin says it is good to grow old and he looks forward to turning 40.

Brolin currently stars in film drama “No Country for Old Men” from writers/directors Joel and Ethan Coen. The movie debuted in major cities two weeks ago and begins a nationwide run on Wednesday with hopes of vying for Oscars.

The son of James Brolin — a television actor and husband of Barbra Streisand — Josh turns 40 in February.

Raised outside Hollywood on a California ranch, the younger Brolin has built a varied career on his own, and this fall is commanding attention in dramas “In the Valley of Elah” and “American Gangster.”

If “No Country” climbs box office charts and does compete for awards as expected in Hollywood, its success will be in no small part due to Brolin’s performance as an aging Texas cowboy with one shot to get rich by stealing a drug dealer’s money.

Brolin told Reuters that with age comes maturity and with that, greater insight and depth to the roles he plays, as well as to his own writing and directing when he is not acting.

“It’s exciting for me,” he said. “I’m not excited for my bones exactly, but I am excited for my brain and my emotions.

“Plus, you get to where you don’t mind being embarrassed or humiliated on set to find an emotion or do justice to a role. It’s a lot less self-conscious, which is freeing.”

Initially in “No Country,” which is based on the book by Pulitzer Prize-winning author Cormac McCarthy, audiences are led to believe Brolin’s character, Llewelyn Moss, is either greatly lucky or incredibly dumb when he stumbles onto a crime scene and takes a suitcase full of cash.

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Craid Dreads Turning 40

Although ‘Casino Royale’ star Daniel Craig dreads turning 40 soon, he has vowed to grow old gracefully and not resort to cosmetic surgery.

Dailysnack.com quoted him as saying: ‘People can improve themselves when they are younger, but when they turn 60 or 70 they start to look like a freak. You end up looking like a lesbian big sister.’

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Countdown to the Big FOUR-OH! by Deanna

These Thoughts Remain

The day is quickly approaching that I will reach the ever dreaded milestone of turning 40. Fifty-five days to be exact. It happens to coincide with Christmas, so you holiday shoppers take note!

It’s odd, in my mind I still feel 25. I often wonder how ridiculous I must come across to people. You’ll find me wearing low-rise jeans and t-shirts as opposed to a flowery polyester ensemble that some of my slightly older counterparts wear. Is it time for me to start acting more mature or does the old adage hold true that you’re only as old as you feel?

I recently started a new job at a local Antique Mall. As I stroll through the isles the memories come flooding back with the recognition of relics from my past. Maybe ‘relic’ is the wrong choice of word for this post, but we’ll go with it. I see my mom’s white china with the painted gold edges, the metal ‘Happy Day’s’ lunch box I coveted as 3rd grader and the delicate golden watch that my grandmother wore. If I let myself dwell on it, I become homesick for my youth.

One thing is for certain; I never imagined my life coming together as it has. My oldest daughter was married this past June, so I have acquired a son-in-law. That makes me a mother-in-law. Why do those words make the hair on the back of my neck stand at attention? There’s also a very real possibility that I could be a Grandma, Nana or Memaw in the next few years. But WAIT! I’m still raising two teen-age daughters, and we can’t forget about our little surprise that arrived in September of 2005. A two year old little boy that some days really defines my age. Where does all that energy come from anyway?! Better still, where did all my energy go?

Sometimes I look in the mirror and grapple with the image staring back at me. All the signs are there. The fine lines appearing around my eyes and the silvery strands trying to overtake my dark hair. We won’t even get into that 1/2 inch long stray hair that seemingly appears on your neck overnight! For the most part, I’ve come to grips with turning 40. There are those occasional days when the toddler has gotten the best of me and I resemble something that has been hit by a large truck, but I believe he is one of the many things that keep me feeling young.

Getting here has been quite a journey. I relished my youth, having mom and dad for love and security. In a hurry to get out and do my own thing, I found myself married and starting a family. I realize now that I was living my life as if nothing would ever change. Now my oldest is working on starting her own family and doing her own thing. Everything in between has become a blur of bittersweet memories. I plan to pay closer attention and embrace the next 40 years.

Posted in Getting Closer | No Comments »